Building a Bright Future

You cannot know what the future holds,

Yet you still have dreams or ideas of your idyllic future,

Taken from snapshots of movies or programmes you’ve seen,

Or through observing the people around you,

Your imagination fills in the rest.

I strongly adhere to what my imagination tells me,

And then become bitterly disappointed when my reality fails to measure upto the internal images,

I set myself up for defeat,

By expecting the very best of everything – a mish-mash of everything that appealed to me,

So from now on, I should be careful of what I expose myself to,

What I internalise,

And put my hopes and dreams into Allah and jannah,

For this dunya is a fleeting oasis,

That tricks and deceives you into thinking that it is worth chasing and working hard for,

But unfortunately one day we will die,

It will all come to an end and we can’t know in advance when that will be,

So let’s try to stay prepared for that,

So we can avoid that deep, intoxicating regret of not doing enough,

Not devoting enough of ourselves to our Creator,

Instead we chose fun and games,

Moving up the career ladder,

Chasing short bursts of pleasure filled with haraam,

In favour of the everlasting bliss Allah granted us in the next life,

But how impatient and stupid we are,

By giving in to the dunya, time and time again,

I hope and pray that God will save us that day,

When our deeds and our actions won’t be enough to pull us away from the fire,

That day we’ll be eager for God’s mercy and his overlooking the things we’d rather not speak of.

We’ll be desperate that day and there’ll be none to help us,

So why not turn to Allah today and every other day and plead with Him to save us,

That’s far more important than anything else the dunya tries telling us is more than that,

So let’s be wise and mature, and think ahead, get organised and be strategic so that we can win,

InshaAllah,

So we can celebrate and have parties in Paradise.

That is the ultimate goal,

When in the dunya our minds overperceived the joys of the world,

In jannah, our reality will once, finally and forever be far greater than anything our minds could perceive,

May Allah grant us the ease of this amazing day.

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Missing Out For the Sake of Allah

I love sleep and resting,

But for our deen, we are required to give up what we love,

Our love of sleep must be overcome when waking for the earliest prayer before sunrise,

Our love of leisure must be overcome with the five prayers every single day.

It is only when one truly believes and are committed to this path will they succeed in overriding what they adore.

One can’t guarantee that simply because they believe themselves to be Muslim, that they will be saved on the day of reckoning,

One can’t be sure that the people who surround them with their apparent flaws are automatically less pious than they,

As they might be the ones waking every day for fajr, whilst the one who judges misses out.

Nothing is ever what it appears to the eye, and so we can never be certain of our destination, only Allah knows.

What we can do is maximise our chances of getting in, by steering our bodies, actions and thoughts towards the best destination – jannah.

Today I think the shaytan made me backtrack on one of my plans. He made something look and feel so appealling to me.

But then I made isthikhaara, and instantly when I reminded myself of Allah, I felt the wisdom to see the situation from the best angle, the angle of islam,

So I won’t backtrack on my plans inshaAllah, as I am saving my resources for something grander.

I can’t allow myself to be influenced by those around me. Yes it can be sad when others appear to have more money, so can do the things I would love to do,

But inshaAllah, I still hope and pray that Allah will enable me to achieve those dreams.

Everything will happen nicely and slowly, in the time that they are meant to occur.

I need to remind myself that Allah should always come first and I should never jeopardise my chances of reaching Allah,

Even when the dunya calls out to me to enjoy all of its wonders, to wander about the earth in search of pleasure and beauty.

The best beauty is with Allah, and I should never risk missing out on this by seeking the beauty of the dunya.

A Restless Evening in Bed

I lie in bed,

My soul feels restless today,

My eyes release tears,

My heart aches,

I grieve for the past,

I wonder how the future will pan out,

And I worry about disputes and discomfort,

If only we could get along peacefully with those we share such strong foundations with,

But that would be too easy,

Allah puts us through trials of discomfort and suffering to see how determined we are,

How willing are we to discard the trivialities of life in favour of a greater and better cause?

How good are we at prioritizing?

How committed are we towards our main goal that we won’t let anything stop us from pursuing it.

Allah will place dunya obstacles in our way,

But it’s all for our own goodness and wellbeing,

Paradise won’t be easy,

We need to prove we are worthy of it,

And show how courageous, determined and fierce we are in pursuit of it.

Then He tests our resilience and patience by keeping us from our wants and needs,

Will we continue to pray for these things? Will we still continue believing that God can grant us those things?

Will we continue putting our hopes and trust in our Lord?

That He wants to see,

So don’t give up dear Muslims,

The end is near, victory is close,

And we WILL have it,

As long as we remain steadfast and firm.

And when any of those thought boulders arrive,

Seek refuge from the accursed shaytan,

The rebel who promised to divert and distract us,

But who will fail with those who are full of conviction.

Ya Allah, allow us to be of the committed ones,

And raise us with the best of your creation,

As this world is just crazy and whack,

So I want to strive for the next one instead.

Even Roses Have Thorns

I can’t control the world around me,

People can treat me like crap,

I can choose to let it get to me,

Or move on gracefully.

Yes it’s not nice, and yes it’s out of order,

But people may not see it that way.

Life is uncertain,

You may think that certain things will always stay close to you,

But it becomes apparent that certain people were only meant to be there for a certain period,

And that can be sad, especially when it ended with insults,

When it ended with a fierce, fire-ey message about how they had had enough,

How hurtful do you think it felt to be told that, just when life appeared to be falling apart,

Like someone had scrunched me up and threw me away,

Well, that is this life,

A life full of pain and torture,

That is the nature of this earth,

The lowest, along with all that it contains,

Allah showed me that even the seemingly most beautiful things in the world can be flawed and spoilt,

And that even I, a person who would always strive for perfection and not hurt people, could be a villain when I was that hurt.

Lesson for the future – my hurt can be transmitted to God, my thoughts and my feelings can be projected onto Him, and that wouldn’t hurt Him as He is the most powerful, He can handle it and He loves to handle the prayers of His creatures,

Humans break with the weight of our worries and our concerns,

Humans will die,

Business may be left unfinished.

The world is messy and chaotic,

Sometimes we just have to leave the shards where they are, stand up and gracefully move along,

Turning our hopes, fears and dreams to our Lord, praying that He saves us, heals us, does not depart from us, seeking His forgiveness and praying for strength and courage.

I feel stronger to handle this world. I have been deeply hurt by someone who I adored, who I thought was the kindest and most generous person I had ever met,

But even roses have thorns,

Good exists alongside evil,

They can reside within the same heart,

We must strive to purify ourselves always,

So that we can reach Allah with our purest and cleanest selves,

Let’s walk away from these thorns,

And turn to Allah instead for answers.

Allah Takes Care Of Us

I have to say, I’m quite proud of myself 🙂

I think I’m finally learning how to entertain myself and keep myself busy when I’m alone.

I’ve been making so many excuses over the past year for why I haven’t been active, the main one being, that I don’t have a group or people around me to motivate me, I don’t have that spirit of shared enthusiasm, but I’ve realised that that is probably just a trial for me, so let’s strive anyway and see how much work I can get done by myself.

So over the holiday, I’ve been learning a little bit of arabic, at my own pace, through an app I discovered. And i’ve been hanging around on twitter a little bit, where I’m discovering a twitter community and people who share similar values to me, so i’ve been feeling less alone.

Yes, there are those odd moments of feeling lonely but on the whole, I can overcome it a whole lot quicker. I feel more rested and like I am living a more balanced life, Alhamdulillah.

Last year I was too consumed with my uni degree. I came back to a repeat year after failing exams so I felt determined not to fail again so I went in with a lot of power and force, but I neglected my deen too much.

I have made a strong intention to put my deen first, as that is more important and feels like more of a priority. If you chase the akhirah, you will win both the dunya and akhirah, so pursuing the akhirah feels better for me.

I also like reminding myself of what the prophet pbuh said about the ghurabaa (the strangers) at the end of time, and that helps me to feel more validated and secure – like, this is how things were meant to be for me, so I need to show Allah what I can do to please Him, despite my circumstances.

Twitter has shown me, that I’m not the only one that is and feels alone. There are plenty of Muslims out there who feel that way too, which makes me feel like I’m still part of a group with shared feelings, worries, concerns, which is comforting in a way.

I feel more in touch with Allah and I feel like I have more direction. Everything else around me, is just a time-filler, for me to extract what I can from it, doing the bare minimum, but coming home and resting my brain and doing a little bit of what I enjoy.

I don’t need to be so hard on myself, I don’t need to fight for everything and overexhaust myself. I need to save my energy for the really important battles and save energy so that I can do what is more spiritually important for me.

May Allah help us all and allow our dreams to come true, Ameen.

Not Knowing What To Do

Isn’t it frustrating when you made the intention to work on something that was special to you, then the programme just freezes and you can’t get it to unfreeze.

It was also frustrating when I opened the document to see that all the fonts and the formatting had changed 😦

It’s almost like the shaytan doesn’t want me to succeed in doing something for the sake of Allah,

And all after I had made the effort to get out of bed and psyched myself up for it.

I can’t give up, I told myself, that’s letting the shaytan win, but then I’m just wasting time by staring at a frozen laptop wishing that it will change but it hasn’t quite done so,

So I closed it and moved on,

And now I’m just thinking of what else to do now as I sit on my chair in front of my desk,

Contemplating…there’s so much I can do, but it’s the getting started that is difficult,

It’s moving out of the relaxation phase into, ‘let’s work towards something’ phase.

What I’ve noticed is that like attracts like, if I relax for too long, i keep on wanting to relax,

So all things in moderation,

I need to keep the momentum going,

Or else I get stuck.

At least I made myself a timetable today for the year ahead to make myself feel more in control,

And yes, it doesn’t seem like much anymore as I look at that small sheet of paper with those dates I was dreading,

But they’re just dates in the diary, that will pass like every other date, and Allah will help me.

I’m trying to put Allah first in my endeavours these days. Before I would just work myself really hard and then burnout,

But I’m just doing a minimal amount and so far it’s worked, as I’ve been scoring well in my assessments,

So I’m happy with this strategy,

I feel like I’m on the right track Alhamdulillah,

May Allah make it easy for me.

Feeling Grateful

Sometimes I want something, then I forget that I want it and stop praying for it,

So maybe I don’t want it enough, for if I wanted it so excruciatingly bad, then I’d constantly be wanting it,

Or maybe it’s just normal to just carry on living in the meantime and adapt to what’s around you.

Sometimes I feel lonely, but what this holiday has shown me is that I have lots of people in my life,

They may be in different locations to me, and they may not always have the traits I want them to have,

But Allah has sent them to me, and so I have exactly the right people I need at the right time.

Be it my friend from school who I don’t speak to much, but when I do, we have a nice heart to heart and I feel loved and special,

Or my mother who is very caring and nurturing in the way she takes care of us, cooks for us, preserves our home,

Or be it my uncle who encourages me to continue in my dream profession and tries to motivate me,

Or my friend who has struggled and been ill along the way just like me and sends me a nice message out of nowhere,

Or my sister who I can just randomly watch movies with or order take-away with,

Or my young teenage cousins who make me laugh with their curiosity and perspective in life.

There is beauty in life, amidst the chaos and the hardship, Allah grants relief,

And this previous month was a month of relief, comfort, companionship and joy – eventhough I didn’t acknowledge it much,

And that is perhaps the very reason why I didn’t want to leave.

All that I lack right now and that I desire is a loving spouse and I need to continue praying for this,

Allah has His ways and His plans are the best ones,

They may not always align with ours though,

And that can be a challenge, to continue having gratitude during those times of grief, uncertainty and loss.

I focus a lot on what I don’t have, but I have plenty too, so may Allah preserve these beautiful friendships and relationships I have fostered throughout my life,

As I prepare for the final showdown that is my final year at university – may Allah make the year ahead easy for me and save me from trial and hardship,

And if He sends me challenges, I pray He grants me the courage and skill to overcome it quickly and tackle it with patience and steadfastness,

InshaAllah and Alhamdulillah for life and all that I possess.

Friendship And Happy Feelings

It was so beautiful to listen to her message,

One that I wasn’t expecting,

To know that someone had tried hard to contact me, who was thinking of me and missing me,

To hear her sound so ill, but yet make that effort, it was touching and sweet.

Allah sends us gifts all the time,

There are the ones we take for granted all the time, don’t even realise what a privilege and blessing it is,

And there are the ones we weren’t expecting, that come from unexpected places,

I feel so mushy and loved right now,

May Allah preserve our friendships and extend our happy feelings.

Going Back

Today was a struggle, a real battle with myself – should I stay or should I go?

If I stay, I’m just delaying the move and I’m not solving the issue, just putting it off,

So I knew I was going to have to push through and just do it.

I got all my things together, I had a light breakfast (just tea and biscuits), all at the same time as having mild abdo pain from my girly time of month,

I collected my food, chucked on some clothes and the pain lessened, so I thought “to hell with it, let’s go”.

So I’m proud of myself, Alhamdulillah. I took those few steps and a little bit of a plunge and now here I am on the train,

Going back.

I will miss home – the comfort, the food, the people, the energy, the friendly vibes,

But life must continue (sigh).

I need to think of the greater goal –

The lives I could save, the people I could help,

The money I could save to put towards greater causes,

And to a lesser extent, my parents who deserve to be made happy, so they can breathe that sigh of relief and tick that box off –

Supporting a daughter through med school, a daughter who has had many lows,

How much relief will we all feel when I come out that other end inshaAllah.

Alhamdulillah 🙂

Is home really where the heart should be?

Home is where the heart is, they say,

But what if your home doesn’t provide everything you need?

What if it provides comfort, shelter and safety,

But it’s not the best place for you spiritually.

Sometimes you want something, eventhough you know that it’s not good for you.

Allah tells us in the Qur’an that we may hate something that is good for us, and love something that is bad for us.

We love the dunya and we try so hard to settle into it, we try so hard to make it comforting,

Yet Allah tells us this place is temporary, and those who prioritise this dunya over the next life are doomed.

It creates discomfort within you, especially when your nafs just wants to snuggle up under the duvet, that’s the place that feels safe for you.

Then you know that there’s something wrong with you, if you spend so many hours worrying about and grieving over the pointless dunya,

And that is hard, to be a Muslim, to know the truth, but yet be tempted by what is around you and want to give in to it all the time.

Your life is a constant battle against the good and evil forces, sometimes being pulled towards evil, sometimes towards good,

And then there’s you in the middle, trying to figure out where to go.

May Allah make it easy for all the Muslims, who struggle in this world,

It won’t be for long inshaAllah.