A Poem on Meeting My Future Fiancee

I can’t wait to meet you dear fiancee,

I’ve kept my eye on you.

I know that it’s not me that decides,

Whether we’re meant for each other.

You could easily die tomorrow,

And alternatively so could I.

And that would be the end of those dreams,

And I would simply have to accept and move on.

There are no certainties in life,

Eventhough we try to hold on to our dreams.

We become attached to things we want and desire,

Always forgetting that it’s Allah who’s in charge.

We charge towards our dreams,

Putting our faith in the means,

And then becoming heartbroken,

When the means lets us down.

I feel hopeful of our meeting,

But at the same time I worry,

That I might be getting attached to,

The idea of something that might not even be meant for me.

I worry about the noise around me,

All the people that will attempt to drive us apart,

Who have their own agendas,

That are different to yours and mine.

As long as we are both committed to being good partners,

In light of the Qur’aan and sunnah.

And be forgiving of each other,

Of all of our dunya related flaws.

As much as we can try to keep our relationship pure,

There will always be external influences.

The shaytan will try to get in between us,

And sometimes that will be in the form of other people,

Trying to meddle in our affairs.

But I’m determined to move beyond this,

And focus on my very own life.

I’m here to please Allah,

So it doesn’t matter what the world thinks.

Ya Allah, help me to purify my soul.

I’ve been a horrible, horrible being.

I feel dirty and flawed,

Of all the nasty things I’ve been doing,

That may have driven us apart.

Please don’t abandon me my Lord.

I’m soo sorry and I seek your forgiveness.

It’s you who I should be seeking to please,

Not anyone else in the dunya,

So please accept my repentance,

I mean this humbly.

InshaAllah I want to improve,

But I know right now I’m just so bad,

But I hope things change,

As I’m determined to make it so.

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A Poem on Realising Our Purpose

And so no-one really knows,

Quite what they’re doing with their life.

Most people are just souls who walk around,

Not really knowing or realising their purpose in life.

So they get sucked into and consumed by the world around them,

Or just follow the empty vessels that walk around near them.

I inspire not to be like the crowd,

To be my own person,

Follow the values that are instilled within me,

The ones that will help me to find and follow my Lord.

The world distracts you and pulls away,

From realising that there is a divine purpose for our existence,

And sometimes we need to pull away from the world and think,

Reflect on why we’re here,

And what we were supposed to be.

Or else what’s the point in living?

Sometimes we humans have to face upto our destiny,

Things happen around us that we can’t control.

It throws us off our feet and leaves us to realise,

How small and insignificant we were.

We’re just a dot in space,

As far as the rest of the world is concerned.

But if we truly pondered we’d realise,

That we couldn’t have just sprung out of nowhere,

And there needed to be a Creator,

To start all of this off.

We might search around for answers,

We might pray for the truth or even lose hope,

That the world is even worth anything,

And curl up into a ball.

Or maybe we might discover the Qur’an,

Or come across stories of these amazing beings who were delivered to mankind,

Who told them that there was a God,

And our purpose was to realise, learn about and act upon that fact.

I hope that one day dear body and nafs,

I can control you more,

So that together we can work towards pursuing my akhirah.

It’s certainly in my interests,

But the trouble is that there’s this other being,

One called shaytan who promised to steer us away from Allah,

Except for the few who were strong and kept on coming back to Allah.

Ya Allah, let me be of those few,

The few that makes their resting place the akhirah,

And leaves the world with nothing other than their fabulous deeds.

The few that didn’t care for money, houses, cars or what the world around them does.

The few that just wanted to be accepted by the Lord Almighty above.

A Poem on My Hedonistic Ways

The last few days before an important exam,

I stay at home just focussing on myself and living life.

This whole process can be depressing and isolating.

It’s an emotional rollercoaster and all the feelings are just hard and complicated.

I feel sensitive and really careful of who I speak to and interact with,

Being worried that the simplest of statements might make me fall apart.

I feel guilty about accepting help and affection from people,

Worrying deep down that I won’t be able to return that affection back to them.

But I acknowledge that I’ve made so much progress.

I’m feeling less anxious and more at peace with the whole process.

I’m accepting that God has his ways and is looking after us,

And nothing will happen that wasn’t already destined for us.

This makes me feel better as it helps me acknowledge,

That I’m not really in control.

I can’t force myself to work and if I did,

I’d become weary and tired and that’s not really what’s best for us.

I have been quite gluttonous and hedonistic these past few days.

I’m just seeking pleasure and company without any commitments or follow-up after that.

I feel a little bad that life has come to this,

My taqwa levels are dropping and it’s not a great place to be in.

But I know that my Lord will accept me back to Him,

No matter how sinful or greedy or hedonistic I have been.

As long as I repent and sincerely regret it,

Then He’ll be willing to have me back as it wasn’t my fault.

I just lived in a world where everything was so readily available.

But I know I have the choice to turn to or away,

But I feel so weak right now that I just want to be in the moment,

Absorbing all the delights of the present,

And have no worry or care about the consequences that will result from them.

I’ll judge myself later and repent from all that I did,

But right now I’m just an innocent girl with human desires,

And I’m happy to indulge in them and feel all the bliss of it 🙂

A Poem on These Last Few Days

The last few days have been filled,

With resting, edible delights and bliss.

I am grateful that Allah has granted me,

The means to sit back and relax,

While the entire world comes to me.

I have money in my account,

And a roof above my head,

And an endless array of possibilities,

That lie in the future ahead.

Oh how sad I’ve been,

Throughout this past year.

But I’m finally acknowledging my feelings,

And being kind to myself.

I’m not forcing myself to work,

Or trying to stick to a fixed routine.

I’m just waking up and kinda just going with the flow.

I’m lying in bed reading things,

And spending time with myself.

I’m dreaming and imagining the future,

And praying to Allah that He grants me all that I desire.

I get up to eat or watch something on tv,

And then might do a little bit of work on the side.

I’m not going to force my body to do something it doesn’t really require.

It’s true, our body has needs,

Our feelings are important,

And they need time,

Not pushed out of the way.

We’re all human,

And we hurt each other in different ways.

We’re not always aware of it,

But I’d rather become more self-aware.

So then I can hold myself to account,

And turn to Allah to repent,

Whilst acknowledging my weaknesses and flaws.

I’m not trying to fake it anymore,

As Allah mighty well knows,

The ill feelings, thoughts and desires,

That I hide inside my heart.

There’s no point denying them,

As they won’t really go away.

They’ll lurk beneath the surface,

And influence my every move.

But maybe if I acknowledged they were there,

Then perhaps I would be more in control,

And I wouldn’t let those feelings or urges,

Make me turn to things I should avoid.

Instead I should keep my soul in check,

And keep watch of what goes on within,

So that I can steer it in the direction,

Of Allah and what our beautiful Prophet did.

A Poem on a Friend Who Rejected Me

Yes, there’s grief, so much grief,

At all that she did.

The way she spoke to me,

As if I was a second-class citizen.

Her closed-off demeanour,

As if I was nothing to her.

Being betrayed and left alone,

Whilst what fell like my world was falling apart.

Whilst she went back to a cosy world.

Oh she could’ve shared,

We’re one body, one ummah,

But she decided to focus on herself.

I thought it was wrong,

Yes she is entitled to independence,

But ditching someone when they’re in the middle of an anxiety attack,

Was the worst thing to have ever happened to me.

I remember crumbling on the bus ride home,

Whilst I opened and read her messages full of rage.

How unexpected they were,

On an already low day.

I was poor and feeling weak.

I had to work my butt off,

Whilst she was living in peace.

How angry and jealous I was.

How quiet I stayed,

Being fearful that I would transgress the limits.

She comfortably got away,

So I hope that one day she is punished severely,

For leaving me alone.

For building my hopes up,

And then dumping me when she had had enough.

That’s just what she does to people,

Hurts them, then runs away.

How cruel and flawed people can be.

What pain they have the potential to inflict on poor souls like me.

But I was also at fault,

I let myself grow attached.

I was highly needy of her approval and consent.

I looked up to her and probably put a lot of pressure on her.

She may have cracked under my seemingly high expectations of her.

But it still hurt when she said our friendship was toxic and highly damaged.

I didn’t think it was,

Which has been quite a problem.

Now I look back, yes there were flaws.

We were too close and our lives too intertwined.

But I didn’t know any better at the time.

I needed her but she didn’t need me.

I was just a burden,

An unnecessary weight placed upon her.

But I’ve learnt so much about love and heart-breaks.

I’ve taught myself how to pick up and move on.

I’m still sad about what happened,

But I accept that it did and I don’t want to go back.

It hurts to love another and be enthusiastic about engaging with them,

But then just be faced with a blank wall as if you’re just a dot they had wished never existed.

Oh I’m glad of her existence.

How she’s benefitted me.

I hope that she appreciated me,

And I hope that I supported her,

During times of grief for her.

I was happy to be there for her,

To feel her pain and anger,

At all those other things in the world,

That were deserving of those emotions.

But now I want to learn,

How to focus on my Lord.

How to turn to Him in my time of need,

Rather than running to other human beings.

It should be Allah that I find solace in.

He should be that safe haven,

Not other callous beings,

Who run away at the sight of pain.

Who don’t have the ability to handle,

The rocks and stones of another human’s burdens.

Only Allah can carry this hurt,

He is the leader of the world.

But we’re too busy,

Looking upto false idols,

And placing our love and respect on those instead.

All glory should be for Allah,

Not for all those brutal people,

The dunya puts in charge.

And one day we’ll realise,

What lies the dunya fed us with,

But then it’ll be too late.

So it’s better for us then,

That we face upto the truth.

Acknowledge that things are bad around us,

So we can act strong and turn away from things.

But if we just pretend that these things are just normal,

We end up turning to those things,

And adopting them like other humans.

A Poem On Seeking Allah’s Attention

Oh how we can be so needy,

Of another human’s attention.

When it was only ever Allah,

The being whose attention we needed.

He gives and He gives,

Without expecting anything in return.

When in fact He already knows,

About all that we seek and desire.

He’s always waiting for us,

Awaiting our return,

As we come back from our detour,

After being ravaged and sucked by the world.

It was only ever Allah,

The being that it all started off with.

The being we return to,

The one whose attention we needed.

He created us and sustains us,

And we wouldn’t exist without His will,

But yet we continue to seek our attention,

From human beings who just are in it for themselves.

We think these other beings care,

Yet they only care for themselves,

And any demonstration of care,

Is somehow in their own best interests.

Unconditional love should not exist,

As we should only love if it’s for Allah’s sake.

And any love without conditions,

Should only be reserved for our Lord.

And if we find ourselves devoting ourselves helplessly to other beings,

Then perhaps it’s time to question,

For whose sake do we love them?

And is this love for the sake of our deen?

Does this love bring us closer to Allah?

Or does it drive us further apart?

And if it’s the latter,

Then how do we go about remedying this?

Do we need these people in our lives?

Or can we somehow build a bridge,

That can sometimes be open,

And sometimes be closed?

Of course these decisions are not easy,

Sometimes it’s the closest of our kin,

That appears to be the obstacle,

That prevents us from being a seemingly better Muslim.

And so our Prophet told us to establish the ties of kinship,

To not break those ties,

For we are one ummah,

And as many of those differences that may exist,

We are much better as a team.

It’s better to be united,

Then be split and spread apart.

Yes there will be conflict,

Sometimes we’ll be wronged,

And the grief that follows is legit and acceptable,

And we must complain of it to Allah.

But I very much hope and pray,

That one day we can forgive,

And forget the differences for the sake of our deen.

We can put our heads together,

And concoct plans to follow our goals.

We can listen to each other,

And respect each other’s views.

I hope we can be organised,

For the sake of our deen,

To aim for higher goals,

And be successful in the dunya and akhirah.

A Poem on Looking Forward to the Future :)

I always think,

Of all the things I lost,

Or worry about losing what I have.

But what I fail to appreciate,

Is that I have gained a few things too,

Eventhough the reality of this,

Becomes lost in a foggy mind.

I am closer to becoming a doctor,

To actualising my dream.

I am more confident and competent,

And so much better than I was a year ago.

I’m excited about the future,

And all the possibilities.

There’s also a bit of fear,

But that’s normal to some degree.

I look forward to nice companions,

And to pursuing what is important,

Learning new skills and talents,

And devoting what I know to other beings.

I look forward to love and new experiences,

New humans and chances to explore other avenues.

I look forward to putting my skills into practice,

Making a difference to lives and so much more.

I look forward to learning about the deen,

And having the chance to show my Lord, all that I know.

As well as putting it into practice,

And teaching others what it’s all about.

But I’m nothing without my Lord,

And I hope and pray that He allows me to be great,

To do the things I want to do,

So He can accept me on the Last Day.

So that my body will be filled with bliss,

And my face will be shining with joy.

So I can party with the other believers,

And feel relieved that I’m finally there 🙂

A Poem On Acknowledging My Weaknesses :)

We humans – we’re just not in control,

We think we’re all powerful and can do what we like,

But then a bug comes along,

Enters our system,

And suddenly we’re failing to perform.

Our body gets sick, we hurt,

And then we take time off work.

We can try our best to live healthily,

But can’t do anything,

If a group of cells inside us,

Uncontrollably divides,

Becoming a growth of some sort,

Causing chaos and destruction inside.

It takes one small atom,

To throw us off our feet,

So why do we think,

We can stand alone?

Truth is, we’re nothing without God.

We’re in need of His help,

To sustain us and keep us strong.

But despite all the worship we do,

If God was to choose,

That something we hate should happen to us,

It just will, according to His decree.

And the true believer is one,

Who will accept it,

And say ‘Alhamdulillah’.

Oh Lord, how I strayed!

How arrogant I was and still am.

Please help me to humble myself,

And turn to you – the Creator and Sustainer of all of this.

Oh how wrong was I,

If I thought that it was due to my own actions that I would win,

Or that I would lose.

All I can do is try my best,

And then hope and pray that Allah sorts it out.

My dependence is not on me,

It should be on Him,

As all outcomes descend from the heavens,

That’s what they call our rizq.

I’m not in control of that,

But I still have to work for it.

One day this will all turn to smoke,

And then we’ll regret putting our hopes and dreams into,

Something that just wasn’t worth it at all.

I’m such a privileged being.

I have lots of lovely family members,

When some have none at all.

I’m studying at university,

For a prestigious degree,

When there are so many others,

Who would love to be here.

I live in a flat, have the pleasure of warmth,

When so many others are freezing in the cold.

I eat luxurious food,

Life is full of indulgence,

When so many others have just lost all of it.

Oh what an ungrateful slave I am,

But I want this to change,

And inshaAllah soon there will be pleasure and bliss 🙂

A Poem On Not Being Good Enough

She just dropped me,

I felt like I wasn’t good enough.

She ignored me,

I reached out to her a number of times,

But there was a lack of interest,

I felt so small.

I hate what she’s done,

How dare she?!

All the people she’s hurt.

I hope she is punished severely,

For the pain she brought me,

For abandoning me,

And leaving me by myself,

To pick up all the pieces,

With no support.

How privileged she is,

Nice house, new clothes, new car,

While I suffered,

I hate her so much.

I was of no use or value to her.

I felt insignificant,

Like a dot on the wall.

I pray to Allah that she is punished hard,

Learns from her mistakes,

And becomes a better person.

How many times has she made the same mistake?

Dumped people after leading them on.

Far too many repeats i hate to say.

I hope she learns soon,

And causes less destruction to lives.

So much damage has been caused,

And you can’t just run away.

I hope this follows her into the afterlife.

I hope she can’t cross the siraat and becomes stuck,

And falls to the ground.

Oh the anger that lies inside me,

The venom that wants to sting,

But I’m far too nice a person,

And so that venom stays inside,

Causing my insides to corrode away.

How injust was all of this,

Telling me one thing,

But acting completely differently.

How dare you leave me to rot,

You horrid, horrid being.

I pray that my anger subsides,

And all of this fades away.

But don’t know if it will,

As it was the harshest of betrayals.

And so I feel stuck.

I know only Allah can help me,

But I feel far too weak and distracted to turn to Him.

One day this will all end,

And how she treated me,

Would just be rubble under the dust.

But cities can be re-built,

And so it’s time to heal,

Develop a better relationship with my Lord,

And finally move on.

A Poem on The Anger I Feel

And so I felt like I had just withered away,

Like a flower turned into potpourri.

No word, no interest, just a blank wall, a grey slate.

I was ill but she didn’t care.

She didn’t look out for me like she once did.

I would look out for her,

I’d be a better human and show compassion and care.

Or maybe I wouldn’t and be like “get stuffed bitch, you ruined my life…

Left me to pick up the pieces,

Whilst you carried on with your perfect life.”

So I’m bitter, angry and jealous,

That she can walk away,

With such ease,

Like I didn’t even matter to her,

While I struggle to exist now,

With the knowledge that I am flawed,

And she walked away because of it,

Or that’s just what she said,

As perhaps there were things happening,

Which she didn’t really convey.

She was quite private,

I could never really access her thoughts.

She was a deep thinker,

Didn’t fully convey the churning of her thoughts,

Which is why she was hard to understand,

Why did she act and behave the way she did?

When inside she knew the truth so the knowledge was there.

You don’t just dump the other believers,

We’re supposed to be one body,

And when one part aches, we all ache together.

How vicious our ummah has become,

And how selfish we all are,

Living our individualistic lives,

Without a care in the world,

For all those other Muslims who suffer,

Whilst we consume all these heavenly goods.

I’m just as guilty,

How indulgent I can be,

Would I have really been that different?

As righteous I think I can be.

But all humans have limits,

Thresholds to what they can bear.

And so she had reached hers,

And so she had just blocked me out.

I felt betrayed, hurt, horrible.

Like I was nothing.

But now I want to emerge from the ashes,

Discover my own self-worth,

I don’t need her blessings,

I want to rise up into the sky,

And join Allah and the angels,

And the Prophet with all his friends.

This world was meant to be full of loss,

People grieve for ages.

So I can’t speed up this process,

And should just accept my feelings for what they are.

The ultimate act of betrayal,

How dare she,

And I hope she rots.