As I lie on a comfortable bed, I think of the man who brought the beautiful message of islam to our nation,
He seemed to be quite a simple man of simple means,
Not very rich in terms of wealth, endured great abuse and grief during His life, but very rich in terms of His blessings.
How privileged He was to receive glad tidings from Allah, conveyed from Allah through the angel Gabriel to him,
And how privileged we are as a nation to have had him be a part of our nation and to have had him deliver this very important message to us.
The blessed month of Ramadhaan has just begun and I start to reflect on the person I am and the person I’d like to be.
I am definitely in my thoughts far too much and I would like that to change.
Yes, there is lots of uncertainty in my life and I am starting to question my career and all the choices I have made,
But I recognize that I become too consumed in these doubts as that means that most of my time is taken up by this thinking.
I need to live, do the things I enjoy and pray hard too. Yes, this work is grim, the profession is grim and I feel unsupported and alone right now,
But my job is just one part of my life and now I feel I would like to nurture and develop other aspects of my life – my deen, give da’wah to my family and friends, get married, maybe travel and see the world a little bit more.
I just feel I have devoted a lot of my time to building my career and I don’t feel very satisfied with this anymore,
So I want to pray this Ramadhaan that Allah grants me things that are better than this job and this career.
I would still like to graduate as I have devoted so much of my time to this, I don’t want that effort to go to waste of course,
And I would like to stay in this profession for as long as Allah intends for me to do so.
I am coming to realise that it really shouldn’t be as important as I’ve made it.
It’s just one aspect of my life.
Yes, there are many around me who do far more than me but do I really just want to be a sheep and follow the crowd?
I want my life to be worth more than theirs,
And I want to be able to lead by example,
To remind others of the truth and what is important inshaAllah.
It is hard because we live in a society where it is frowned upon to be too religious, but yet our hearts long for more of the deen and we have religious goals, so it can be hard to reconcile our own needs with the expectations of the society.
I have spent a long time grieving over the loss of a close friendship and the loss of an older life,
But now I want to reach out to others and not be so scared of being let down or failing,
I am living far too cautious a life and I would like to be more proactive with everything inshaAllah,
May Allah grant us an abundance of goodness this Ramadhaan and provide for us the opportunities to shine and act with good will,
Those are the most important things.