And so a portion of the pain has gone,
But there is still this anticipation within me of whether I’ve done good enough,
And I have made errors, that is for sure,
But I have also been able to be successful in many areas too,
So I feel uncertain of my performance,
And really, it’s not for me to decide my fate,
I just did what I could, so there really is no point in worrying about what may or may not happen,
It’ll just happen out of it’s own accord,
And I’ll have no choice but to accept that this was Allah’s plan all along,
I’ll have to trust Him, and acknowledge that this is what is best for me,
And I’ll have to honour His wisdom and His judgement.
Who knows, maybe I’ll even be happy if my supposed dreams don’t come to fruition,
Maybe it’ll give me some degree of autonomy and control over my life again,
I could do other things, learn arabic, socialize more, give da’wah, learn the deen, teach, etc, etc,
The world is my oyster and there are so many other ways I can make a difference to the lives of people,
And so I am intrigued about the future,
I have a natural curiosity about the outcome,
About what may or may not occur,
But I should probably tell myself that there is no need to put life on hold until the result is known,
For there is more to life than this career I have been vehemently and adamantly pursuing,
And it’s perhaps time to look further afield, to expand my horizons,
To discover more about myself, my strengths, my passions, my interests, who I am, what I stand for,
Rekindle my passion for living, for pursuing the deen, practising it, conveying its’ message, etc, etc.
There’s truly a mismatch between the current life I lead and the one I would like to lead,
So I’d like to redesign my life again inshaAllah,
And of course, continue praying that Allah grants me great goodness inshaAllah.
The path hasn’t ended yet.