Some Comfort in the Struggle

Who knows what lies around the corner,

Who knows what lies in wait for us,

Today my brother called me just for a casual chat,

It was nice I thought, not usually like him,

He enquired about me, how I was,

He even told me he’ll ring again before my exams,

Allah provides from places you’d never expect,

While I was feeling despair over being alone, not having anyone near me,

Allah granted me people who offered their support,

It takes me time to trust people,

But maybe I need to be more proactive with people,

Speak up more, show that I’m there,

In a kind, dignified way,

In a way to show that I’m interested in them,

Without being overbearing or nosy,

Which can easily turn people away,

I was a self-loather,

And that’s not healthy,

But now I’m thinking more about my own actions,

And how my own reactions aren’t great either,

How I see the worst in people,

And where does that come from,

What lies beneath the surface?

I long for comfort, companionship, ease, recognition,

But hey, doesn’t everyone?

There is a void and an emptiness within me,

Something that desires to be filled,

I hate my family,

For the hostility that they brought me,

The violence, the aggression, how they long to control me,

Just allow me to be,

Just the way I am,

Stop trying to change me,

Or mould me into what you want me to be,

Sigh,

How horrible people can be,

How self-servient they can be.

One of the reasons why I keep people distant to me,

I don’t want to be hurt by them,

It’s too painful and distressing.

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