A Poem on Picking The Shreds and Putting It Together Again

It’s good to speak up,

And sometimes I feel afraid of the outcome,

Afraid that I’ve added fuel to the blazing fire,

But if I say nothing,

The fire can also continue to burn,

Things aren’t resolved,

The smoking pot turns inwards,

Being ignited every now and again,

And that is painful, hurtful and distressing.

I stay quiet far too often as conflict brings me far too much distress,

So I walk away and let people win,

But really there are no winners and losers in this relationship,

There is loss, grief and uncertainty.

The full knowledge of what occurred lies with Allah,

And I need to move on and just take this as a lesson,

A lesson that I can’t always get what I want from people,

There needs to be some compromise,

I need to let go of my sense of entitlement,

No matter how big and grave I feel the injustice was,

It’s no good way to live when you carry the pain from years ago and stuff it away deep down,

But at least I can say that I said what I needed to say,

Got my own truth out there,

And yes it hurts to hear the word “No” over and over again,

But we can’t let that stop us from trying,

As to stop trying because of our fear of being let down,

Means to be too cautious and means we’re lacking the courage and bravery to put ourselves forward.

I am in need of courage and bravery,

I am in need of a hard outer shell that can allow the world to bounce off me,

I don’t want to be shy and meek anymore,

I don’t want to be the girl that I was before,

Yes, I’ve been broken down,

But so that I could be built up again stronger than before inshaAllah,

So Alhamdulillah for the pain, the sorrow, the distress, the let downs, the disappointments,

It teaches us a lot about who we are, where we stand,

And it can feel humiliating at times to be treated wrongfully,

But maybe it’s better to respond with dignity and respect,

Even to those who disrespect you,

At least your conscience is clear,

And you have been the better person,

And walked away with conviction and strength,

Rather than belittle yourself to the level of another.

And in some situations, perhaps there is no right and wrong,

Just grey areas, uncertainty, not being able to have what you want,

And so you try to find some explanation within religious texts,

But yet, you still can’t gain clarity as to whether behaviour is right or wrong,

And so another lesson is that not everything is quite black and white, haraam and halaal, right and wrong,

But I like to make it so as my mind struggles to handle all these options, these grey areas.

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