It’s hard when you try to retrieve your rights from another person,
It’s a dispute,
And though you may ask for your rights back,
They are in their rights to say “No” too,
They can dismiss your claim on grounds of their own.
It is even more frustrating when there isn’t an independent arbitrator I can go to,
To retrieve those rights,
So I can either just grieve by myself and continue complaining to Allah,
Or I can try asking again that those believers hand me my rights back to me,
But I must put my hope and trust in Allah.
Other believers will let me down of course,
They can refuse my request but I can choose how I will react/respond to it,
All good comes from Allah,
And it is required from me to hope for the best when it comes to what Allah can deliver for me,
As He made that promise to us in the Qur’an,
And as believers we must believe in what Allah tells us,
He will never break His promises.
It is these other believers who will break their word,
And not act in accordance with the sunnah,
And if they do so then they are at fault and have made grave errors by leaving another believer in the dark,
Which they can do of course.
I’m not sure whether I’m doing the right thing myself,
Whether I should make excuses for them,
There is an excuse I can think of,
But still…even if that excuse is a legitimate excuse,
An effort should have been made to reach out to me in some sort of way,
Not to just leave me hanging,
While I was filled with crippling anxiety,
Lost so much,
Had to work so hard despite suffering and grieving,
(Sigh)
But all these are life lessons,
And I have learnt so much,
Not to blindly follow people and to question them (by the criteria of the Qur’an and sunnah),
To put my faith, trust and hope in Allah, not in other people who are flawed,
And to speak up when I feel something isn’t quite right,
To voice my thoughts, opinions and feelings.
I’ve always found it embarassing to talk about my feelings,
Thinking it too touchy-feely a subject,
But our feelings tell us a lot about what is going on inside us,
And about what our heart really wants.
I have to move on and stop depending on people,
I need to stop waiting around for people to hand me my rights,
I must seize them,
I must strive for them,
I must run towards Allah,
InshaAllah.
I must let people know that their actions are wrong for the sake of Allah,
And not fear their reaction and judgement,
One will be hurt and abused at times,
But it is weak to avoid taking risks and challenging oneself,
Just because one is afraid of the punches and blows that come with it,
Just because one doesn’t want to be bruised.
Those bruises show us a lot,
And that is that we’ve lived, been hurt, lost things,
And yet Allah still keeps us standing,
To learn, reflect, share our reminders with the world,
It is worth it,
So I can’t just back down,
I am an honourable human being, a believer,
I am better than this and deserve much better treatment.
At-tadabbur 