Some Self Reflection

I love to help people,

I love to feel wanted,

I love to be thanked, honoured and appreciated.

I hate it when I’m ignored,

I feel like I’m insignificant.

And so when I rush to be nice to people,

To serve them,

To listen to their problems,

And when I share mine,

I’m faced with a blank wall,

It makes me feel betrayed,

And I feel like I’ve been pushed aside,

Like my feelings just aren’t important,

My trials aren’t important.

It’s like the world doesn’t care for me.

And so I reflect upon this,

And I realise,

That there is somewhat of an issue,

If I’m expecting things in return for serving people.

It’s not for the sake of Allah,

If I feel disappointed for not receiving in return.

And so I realise,

That I’m doing things for people,

To make myself feel better about myself,

And to be liked by others,

But that’s not good,

To live for other human beings,

As it’s not them we’re supposed to serve,

It’s Allah.

Their opinions of us don’t matter,

Their thoughts and their advice is pants,

Especially when they live by different rules,

Have different morals, values and opinions to you.

I’ve made a semi-vow to myself,

To not allow people to enforce their rules upon me anymore,

And I’ll be living my own life,

With my own principles,

InshaAllah,

And those principles,

Will be the ones that my beloved Prophet (pbuh) taught.

All these robots who surround me,

Who just go along with what is popular.

I don’t want to join that robot parade,

I want to follow my own truth,

The one that lies within my heart,

The one that the Prophet came down with,

And the only truth that exists.

I want to be like the youngsters of Surah al Kahf,

The ones who refused to participate in the games and parades of the polytheists of their time,

The ones who stood under a tree,

The ones who felt lost and betrayed,

The ones who didn’t belong.

And yes, it is sad to not belong,

To not be part of a crowd,

To not share the views and beliefs of those around you,

But it is so much better to struggle now with one’s minority views,

Than be left in the dark in the aakhirah.

Suffering now followed by endless bliss is a better choice,

Than choosing the cheap joys of this world, followed by everlasting and excrutiating pain.

How much we’ll regret our choices then,

InshaAllah.

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