I feel bad about my actions,
About breaking the rules,
When I’ve always wanted to do things the correct way and by the rule book.
It frustrates me that I’m part of a system,
That strips me away of my dignity and my rights.
It’s as if my human worth correlates with how much work I am prepared to do,
And it’s almost as if I am worthless unless I can serve all these people in the manner that they want me to.
When really, my self-worth should come from Allah,
He has given me rights, dignity, status.
These are the very things that all humans need,
To live a meaningful life.
Most search for it in people or bodies that are imperfect,
That could never treat a human being with absolute kindness, dignity, compassion and justice,
For the only One who is capable of being absolutely merciful, compassionate and just,
It’s interesting how I’ve observed people being so fearful of the consequences of breaking the rules,
Give their total obedience to other human beings,
Submit to and love other human beings.
When fear, obedience and submission are acts of worship which are solely reserved for Allah.
I realise to myself,
When I am fearful of the judgement of other human beings,
Fearful of the consequences of what other humans may say or do,
Or feel scared about their judgements and reactions to me,
That I have allowed shirk to enter my heart,
Because I have given what should be completely and absolutely reserved for Allah,
To other human beings 😦
And that is very worrying,
Because if I reach Allah in this state,
Then I will enter the hellfire,
And that would be devastating.
So I must work towards rectifying my tawheed,
And making the most important thing in my life (my deen) my absolute priority.