Just a splurge of my thoughts

I’m just a human,

I constantly apologise for things I don’t even need to apologise for,

I just feel like I’m in the way a lot of the times,

And maybe this needs to change.

I present a nice outer image to the world,

Try to be nice to everyone and pretend everything is normal,

Whilst hiding the pain and the misery I feel inside.

I just feel so unhappy all the time.

I feel like no-one really understands me,

And the one friend who I felt did,

I lost her.

And now all the other things in my life seem so much more significant,

The pain and hurt of my father,

A man who has suffered so much,

Who lives in fear of a storm,

Of everything blowing up,

And I live in fright too.

It wasn’t the life I wanted,

I thought that life would be nicer,

I wanted to be special, successful, wanted,

But I don’t really feel like I am those things,

And that’s where the problem lies.

Since entering medical school,

You’re just a dot in the crowd.

Everyone else seems so much better than you,

You feel so inferior to them.

Do you try to fit in,

Or do you just sit back and go with the flow?

I’m not sure…

Life can be tricky,

People are mean.

There are thugs in my family,

And I fear that things will get worse,

But then I have to remind myself,

That nothing will happen,

That Allah hasn’t already decreed,

He has planned all the events,

And the way out of all adversity too.

It can be difficult to do this,

But we really need to trust Allah,

And make the most of the resources we have,

And accept that we’re here for a reason,

Allah won’t let us down.

We need to turn to Him,

And pray for a way out,

Better things,

A chance to live for His cause inshaAllah.

I don’t know who to trust these days,

Who is Muslim? And who is not?

And who do I try to connect with?

Just need to pray,

That Allah brings the best people into my life.


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