You are an amazing girl.
You reached out to me and cared for me,
When no-one else did.
You took an interest in my life,
Supported me through the darkness of life,
And so I attached my heart to you.
You were like an older sister to me,
Like a guide.
And so you reached a point where you needed space,
And yes I am sad how you went about it,
I didn’t deserve to be treated in that way,
I wouldn’t have treated you in that way,
But I am sympathetic towards the pressure I put on you,
And the responsibility you took on.
Who else would have done that eh?
You did an enormous amount for me,
And I was so ungrateful and unappreciative.
I expected more and more.
It was a complete lack of insight,
I was so absorbed in my thoughts,
The fears of ‘what if?’ that enveloped my mind.
You were a concerned and worried sister.
You looked out for the ummah,
And put their needs above yours,
Which makes you like the most pious of the past,
And I am glad that I got to meet you,
Feel your presence,
Talk to you about the world,
Learn about reality,
And bounce ideas around with you.
I feel happy that our friendship lasted so long.
When people around me seemed so unhappy in theirs.
It was the best friendship I’ve ever had.
It brought so much richness to my life,
It added light to a life that would have been dark.
I had nothing in common with anyone else,
No-one else cared about the same things as I.
And so I want to treasure those memories,
And not be tainted by what shaytan brings in between us,
His envy and his malice,
His jealousy when two believers meet for Allah’s sake,
But enough is enough and it’s time for me to forgive,
To accept Allah’s decree,
And know that Allah took you away from me for good,
And I can already see the good it has added to my life,
I am becoming more resilient,
Turning more to Allah,
Learning not to rely on the means,
And have tawaqqul.
Yes, recovery is slow,
But I can’t force it along.
I want to feel the feelings,
And allow things to materialise.
And nothing for the sake of Allah is lost,
So I feel happy that what we had lasted so long,
In a world that is so fake and painful.
It was authentic and fresh,
It felt genuine and real.
I was so proud to have known you.
You were special and kind,
Different to the rest of the world.
I have learnt so much from you,
And I will count you as one of my role models,
You are a beautiful soul, Alhamdulillah.