Oh, crushing pain,
The one that aches each time I feel scared,
The one that was oh so recently shattered,
When a believer who I adored walked out of my life.
I reflect on the nature of my heart?
What could possibly have gone wrong?
And so I realised,
That my heart was filled with love for other than Allah,
And I feared other things beside the wrath of Allah.
That isn’t true tawheed,
And so now I must act,
To correct these very mistakes.
This pain within my chest,
Oh why do I fear it so?
As it was only placed by Allah,
And subject to His control.
And then, I should realise,
That this fear should be released and extinguished,
And not carried around anymore,
Well not for the dunya that is.
And so now I see the reason,
For why my dreams weren’t made true.
My heart wasn’t in the right place,
I relied on others, feared others, and loved others,
In ways that should’ve been reserved for Allah,
And so now I’ve lost all this,
And yes I cry my eyes out over the loss,
But it was all due to Allah,
Who gave me those very things in the first place,
Who allowed me to taste the joy as well as the fear,
And then wiped it out once He so chose.
But now I’m seeing the wisdom.
He cleared out the path for me,
So there is now space within my life,
For me to make my own choices about who and what I should be.
There are resources at my fingertips,
And I must make the most of all of it,
Or else I’ll be regretful,
On the day that means the most out of this.