I try to numb the pain, the emptiness.
I feel like a hollow shell at times,
What am I worth?
I tied my self to the dunya and to certain means,
So my heart can’t handle the thought of losing any of it.
I’ll feel empty, small, worthless.
I’ll feel unsure of where to go from here.
But the thing is, I was never in control,
I never chose to have this life, to be on this path,
Allah brought me to it,
Blessed me with the right people at the right time,
The optimal circumstances to make me who I am today.
I may feel weak right now and unsure of the future,
But I must hand it all back to my Creator,
As it wasn’t me deciding my fate.
Oh how hard I try to plan,
But my brain fails to contemplate all the different paths.
It wasn’t designed to as it just doesn’t know the unknown.
But once I submit to Allah,
Maybe I’ll feel at ease,
That my purpose was to please Him,
And so it doesn’t matter what I gain or lose,
As long as I am still Muslim,
And I’m still striving to be a better person inshaAllah.
These material things, qualifications, people,
What are they worth?
One day they’ll all just crumble away,
On the day the truth will be unveiled.
Oh world, you bought me misery and pain,
But I’m determined to move beyond it,
And reach a higher state of iman.
That was my true goal,
Not chasing the people of this world.
So perhaps it’s good that I’m alone,
As it’s making me face up to the truth,
Of who I am and what I want.
So maybe one day,
I’ll be better than what I am right now,
And I can go back to my Lord,
With a smile and a gleaming face,
And be hopeful that He accepts me,
Despite all that I did.