Self Reflection On Being and Existing

There is an effect that you have on other souls. Sometimes you are consumed by your own misery so much that you lose insight into what is happening around you.

Your own problems seem greater than the worlds’ problems.

I want to find my voice, become comfortable asserting myself and be so independent that I don’t need to depend on people.

In the last week, Allah has sent so many blessings my way – people reaching out to me, opportunities, ideas that crossed my mind, hope.

The shaytan sent me lots of thoughts too – the negative ones that send your mind into a spiral.

But enough is enough. There is plenty in my life to have shukr over. I will strenghthen those shukr muscles inshaAllah.

I will stop being a victim of my circumstances and try to act with the best of character.

I want to stop wanting the approval of the world around me and become confident with my traits. I don’t want to be so sensitive to criticism anymore. I don’t want to feel so broken each time someone says something offensive to me.

For a long time, it felt better to not have feelings. I thought I was strong because I wasn’t as emotional as my friends. But now I want to develop compassion and warmth – the traits that the world beat out of me. I want to rid my heart of self interest, pride, love of dunya, envy, jealousy, hate for the believers, anger, etc.

I want to be pure and unselfish. I want to continue being kind to the world, despite the way the world treats me. I don’t want to let the world hurt me again, so I will assert what my rights are and maintain my boundaries.

We’re all trying to discover ourselves, our purpose, who to be, etc. It is hard to mould that self identity when you live amongst people who want you to conform. I am different and I will be confident about being different and having thoughts and views which are different to all others.

InshaAllah, Allah is taking care of us. I am a believer and Allah honoured me with belief. I want to share that with the rest of the world inshaAllah.

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