I saw a friend today. I was having doubts about whether I should see her. I sense that she needs me more than I need her. I did doubt whether it would be good to see her as I had made plans to do some studying. I was unsure if after seeing her, there would be adequate time for me to study.
Whilst she was here, I did enjoy most of the time spent with her, but there did reach a time where I wondered when she would leave. After she went, I realised I was quite tired so wasn’t in the mood for studying. I also felt my mood drop as I don’t think she was in the happiest state due to some adverse events that occurred in her life.
We’re all going through something, and we’re all struggling, but I feel I need to stand back and be really clear with myself on what my priorities are. If I don’t need to see this friend and seeing her is more of a hindrance than it is a benefit, then perhaps I do not need to see her this often. Doing something on weekday evenings after a long day of being on placement can be quite draining. What do I desire from friendship? Does she add something to my life? I’m not sure. I don’t need to detach completely I guess since there is some benefit to having her in my life, but maybe I don’t need to see her too often.
My goals, aims and priorities come first. I can’t let the rest of the world and their aims get in between that. I have the right to choose how I spend my time and on what.
I felt guilty at the end of the day today because I realised that I had so much time but I did not necessarily utilise it in the best possible way. More time does not mean more productivity. These are things to think about, and maybe I need to examine my goals more clearly tomorrow inshaAllah.