I wish the world was accommodating,
I wish I mattered and was loved.
But the world doesn’t care,
It just wants to rotate,
Rob us of our time and energy,
So we give each damn waking moment,
To pursuing what they think is right.
My morals don’t line up with the people around me,
Though I do crave for some sort of belonging.
Don’t know if I’m chasing a fantasy,
Or if I should just accept,
That this world wasn’t to belong in,
My nafs wasn’t to give in to,
It was to strive against,
The turmoil, the uncertainty was what was supposed to happen.
I feel rage and anger at the injustice of this world,
It is the ultimate deception and lie,
But here I am myself struggling to come to terms with it all,
To live a life that is true to what I truly believe,
Have I just gone along with this lie?
I hope Allah grants me some sort of relief soon,
Relief from the injustice.
I want to be a better person, a winner,
But right now I feel like a loser,
Incapable of rising above the world,
And showing them who I am,
When in truth, I don’t really know,
I have no idea of what I want to be,
Just this weak desire to please God,
In some sort of way,
Though I feel that I fail at that quite a lot.
Dunya vs akhirah,
That bitter battle between good and evil,
That always existed.
I’m just confused and unsure,
But will try to hold on to that thread of faith,
That connects me to what is true,
The reality of life –
The fact that we are here to be tested,
Then we’ll die,
And then there will be accountability,
And then salvation or damnation.
I want to be of the few,
But right now I’m of the many,
God help me, I’m stuck