A Poem on how I feel today

I inhabit two worlds,

A world with God, faith, peace,

And a world without.

I try to reconcile the two,

But I don’t know how.

Or maybe they can’t be,

And that’s just the way it is.

I feel frustrated, low and rejected.

Society wants me to be,

Someone I just don’t want to be.

But in order to succeed,

I have to be someone else,

Someone far from what the fitrah is.

I feel I’m slipping away from the deen.

Life feels fuzzy and mental,

I can’t make sense of any of it.

Or maybe this is just,

What it was supposed to be.

A constant conflict between good and bad,

Right and wrong,

Dunya vs akhirah.

I feel I’m on a see-saw at times,

Shifting – trying to find some stability,

But I don’t know how.

People just confuse me,

Their thoughts/beliefs/ideologies conflict with mine,

And the more time I spend with them,

The more I want to be like them,

Pursue what they talk about,

Or deem to be important.

But I have to remember,

Allah comes first,

Always.

He is the mightiest, most powerful being,

Ever.

I’m not grateful enough, pious enough, just not good enough.

He is up there,

Waiting for me to turn to Him.

I feel like a failure,

Strong words I know.

I must get up from this doom,

And gloom and turn to Him.

Just like the pious did.

The society I’m living in now,

Seems so unsuited to islam,

I’m holding onto my faith,

By a string,

I hope it doesn’t rip,

Or else I’ll be doomed.

I must remember Jannah,

That pleasant place above,

Where Allah will grant us everything,

If only we are pure and sincere,

And try our best.

I just wonder sometimes if it will be enough,

To cover up our flaws,

And say we lived in a time,

That was hard for our faith.

We struggled to hold on to it,

We felt so alone and lost.

Maybe Allah will forgive us,

But first we need to try,

Muster up all our strength and courage,

And act upon what is true.

What do I fear?

Social Rejection, harm, anxiety.

I don’t want to end back down,

In that hole but I must find a way,

To live and to carry on,

There will be joy in the end,

For those who earnt it,

And who had sabr,

Who were composed.

Yes they had times when they fell and were anxious.

The Prophet felt sorrow on many occasions,

But he rose up,

Put his faith and trust in Allah,

And not his own effort.

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