A Poem on My Current State

I’m drifting further and further.

I feel like I’m not me anymore.

My conscience is shrinking,

And I’m less aware of it there.

I feel guilty that I’ve made these mistakes,

I feel like a failure and weak,

And I’m judging myself too.

This pursuit of happiness and pleasure biz,

Has taken over my life.

I have this absurd notion,

That we should be happy all the time.

Society promotes pleasure and shows us happy people everywhere.

So that I become jealous,

And I want that too.

I’m longing for the dunya,

For bliss, ease, passion and love.

As my mind and body thinks,

That’s what is most important.

I have pain in my back,

And feel tired all the time.

What is this life?

When uni has taken over everything.

And I keep on longing for one thing,

And fantasizing about being with him,

When the truth is I don’t even know,

Who the hell he is or what he’s about.

Whether he’s good or whether he’s bad.

I’ve just taken a few good traits and built,

A mountain from the ground.

But a mountain needs strong foundations,

And the one building it should be strong.

As the mountain represents my life,

And it needs to be a good one,

As we only get one shot.

So this is the chance to prove to my Lord,

That I succeeded at life and I did my best.

I pursued what was valuable,

And the deen sufficed for me.

I wonder if he’ll forgive all those times I slipped.

I hope so or else I’m doomed,

Doomed to the valley of despair.

I don’t want to end up there,

And if I do, i well and truly deserved it,

As God knows best,

And I want to impress,

The one above all the rest!

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