I’m drifting further and further.
I feel like I’m not me anymore.
My conscience is shrinking,
And I’m less aware of it there.
I feel guilty that I’ve made these mistakes,
I feel like a failure and weak,
And I’m judging myself too.
This pursuit of happiness and pleasure biz,
Has taken over my life.
I have this absurd notion,
That we should be happy all the time.
Society promotes pleasure and shows us happy people everywhere.
So that I become jealous,
And I want that too.
I’m longing for the dunya,
For bliss, ease, passion and love.
As my mind and body thinks,
That’s what is most important.
I have pain in my back,
And feel tired all the time.
What is this life?
When uni has taken over everything.
And I keep on longing for one thing,
And fantasizing about being with him,
When the truth is I don’t even know,
Who the hell he is or what he’s about.
Whether he’s good or whether he’s bad.
I’ve just taken a few good traits and built,
A mountain from the ground.
But a mountain needs strong foundations,
And the one building it should be strong.
As the mountain represents my life,
And it needs to be a good one,
As we only get one shot.
So this is the chance to prove to my Lord,
That I succeeded at life and I did my best.
I pursued what was valuable,
And the deen sufficed for me.
I wonder if he’ll forgive all those times I slipped.
I hope so or else I’m doomed,
Doomed to the valley of despair.
I don’t want to end up there,
And if I do, i well and truly deserved it,
As God knows best,
And I want to impress,
The one above all the rest!