Oh Lord, I screwed up pretty hard.
I missed prayers left, right and centre,
And the dunya sucked me in.
I felt stressed, despondent and frustrated,
When the world wasn’t going my way,
So I turned to sinning instead,
Thought it would bring me pleasure instead of pain.
Yes the pleasure lasted a moment,
But then I was filled with guilt,
I felt utterly rubbish and worthless,
Felt like I was full of crap.
Then I struggled to recover,
And get up and pray,
When I have the rest of the day to make up,
But here I choose to stay.
It’s the shaytan that’s making me feel this way,
He turns me away from you,
He lures me into this dunya,
Providing a false sense of ease.
But once I fall into his trap,
I realise he lied.
My actions were worthless and made me feel ill.
Oh Lord, please accept me back to you,
Allow me to move on,
Cos right now I feel stuck and hopeless,
I have no desire to leave.
My motivation is at an all-time low,
And I feel utterly embarassed and small.
Please lift me up from this misery,
As I have no idea when life will end.
You sent me into this world,
And I have failed to be a good slave,
I have failed to serve you in the way I should have,
And now I just feel utterly small.
But I know I have a chance to recover,
If you’ll just accept me at all.
Please oh Lord, i want to win,
But I’m just so full of rubbish.
I don’t feel like I deserve any good,
And I don’t know what to do.
I’m just stuck inside this head of mine,
And I can’t control myself.
I want to curl into a shell,
And never get up.
But I know deep down that this life is a trial,
I need to further my aims and stand tall in face of it all.
This world is full of bullies, tyrants and oppressors,
Who do whatever they want,
Not taking their roles seriously,
Or being just in the capacity they’re in.
Or maybe I’m being too harsh,
As I just see the world through my eyes.
It’s an interconnected world we live in,
And my aims might not fit with theirs.
We all have our own agendas,
And so that can be difficult to reconcile.
So here I am Oh Lord,
I want to start again,
I want to forget this last week happened,
And just make a fresh start instead.