I have been reflecting on myself a lot lately and which areas I feel I need to develop myself more in. Everything in life happens by Allah’s decree and I am starting to realise more and more why I needed everything to be this way for me.
As believers, we are required to attach our hearts to Allah, to turn our faces in His direction every day but not just physically, it should be with our hearts and minds too. Maybe I loved things/people/ideas more than I loved Allah, so I should make myself love Allah. I should devote more of my time and attention to thinking about Allah, and how I can please Him, rather than thinking about His people.
I also try too hard to win the affection of the people around me. It means a lot to me when people I care about approve of what I do. I’ve always had that need for approval – from my parents when I was growing up, some members of my extended family and then some of my closest friends. However, people don’t know what is best for me, they know what is best for them (if they were me). They put themselves in my shoes when giving me advice but their thoughts/aims/objectives in life may be different to mine. I can’t fully trust other people. However, I should be open to listening to them and taking their advice, but not necessarily doing what they say or obeying them.
I even thought to myself earlier on, that perhaps in the past I have blindly followed other human beings. I became lazy and just because others around me came across as being well-read, intelligent, pious and thorough in their research – I just followed them, not really questioning them too much. However, people have flaws. They are not always correct. If they go down a wrong path and you are following them, then you fall down with them too. It’s important to be careful and develop one’s own moral compass, rather than depending on others for our deen.
So Allah has cleared my life out for me and I must use it to my own advantage. I should use it to develop a clear vision for my future that falls in line with my values and my views. Then I should formulate a plan for how I will reach that. This is a work in progress, but I am excited.
This holiday has allowed me to see the world from different angles. It has given me thinking space and has allowed me to start thinking differently. I have experienced some huge setbacks in life but now I am required to navigate myself around them. My previous ways and methods of thinking have not served me well so I need to change to adapt to my circumstances. I can’t lose sight of my core values and my final goal of jannah, but within life there will be lots of dips and troughs. The plans and goals I had set before may not apply to my current life so I need to adapt my plans to fit it with how things are now.
I tried to hold onto the past as I wanted so many things that are out of my control to be a part of my future. But now I have realised, that I’d much rather focus my time and attention on things I can control and that is with things like islamic learning, da’wah and of course the overarching goal of becoming a doctor (though I feel that these days I’m not as focussed on this as I was before, but perhaps that that isn’t such a bad thing. Maybe it is more useful and healthy for me to have other aims and be more balanced, rather than put all my energy, time and resources into one thing which is a very long-term thing and I won’t really be seeing results for it for a long time inshaAllah.)
May Allah make my plans a reality and keep me firm in sticking to my vision. May He make it easy for the Muslim ummah in attaining our goals. Ameen.