A Different Me

I feel more at peace today Alhamdulillah. I have made an active decision to pursue the things which I deem to be the most important.

I’m reading a book about goal-setting so decided to write down (or type up in actual fact) what my life goals were and what I would really want to do with my life. The author of the book said that we are way more likely to achieve our goals if we write it down. And already, I can feel my passion and my enthusiasm for my goals growing and I have already started taking action today Alhamdulillah.

The book also spoke about making d’ua and that is what I did. I made d’ua to Allah that he heals my pain, that he allows me to use my time in the best possible way and that he grants me what is good for my deen.

And then, for the first time in a long time today, I felt I was more focussed than I had been in a long time. I was able to completely devote myself to an activity and become fully immersed in it without the background pain. Something had definitely changed. 

I got out of bed with the feeling of wanting to do something with my life. I don’t want to carry on feeling sorry for myself anymore. The clock is ticking and before we know it, time will have run out and we will reach the day when we have to face Allah. What will we have to show for it?

I finally feel that I should just let go of my friend and carve my own path. There was a reason why Allah thought it best that we be separated in some sort of way. Everything happens for a reason. I need to become stronger and more confident. I need courage. She can’t be my safety net forever.

When you are by yourself, you are forced to depend on no-one but Allah as you have no choice. I need to learn tawaqqul, instead of turning to and complaining about my problems to the people around me. I need to have sabr and realise that with time, goodness will come to those who strive. But am I striving, that is the question? Not hard enough, is the answer.

I can’t be annoyed at myself and my flaws forever. There will have to be a time when I should get up and become that person that I want to be, instead of dreaming about it or making excuses saying I’m not confident enough or able enough or whatever other untruths my mind likes to believe.

I want to set myself aims and live by those aims inshaAllah. Goal-setting and planning is the way forward inshaAllah. I want to make my family proud and I want them to be a part of my dreams inshaAllah.

Maybe Allah wanted me to focus on different things. I can’t have everything that I want in life. 

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