I like nature, flowing water and pretty scenery, but too much of that leaves me feeling a bit bored and empty. Seeing the same thing again and again can become quite tedious. And so I like holidays usually at the start but by the end I am missing home and looking forward to doing productive things again.
I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have decided that I want to let it go and will not actively try to connect with my friend. She isn’t interested and each time she says something that directly or indirectly expresses her disinterest and her disengagement, it just leaves me feeling very dejected and insignificant.
However, I have a conscience. And I refuse to treat her in the way she treats me. I have to live with myself at the end of the day. So I will continue being friendly towards her inshaAllah, like I try to be with everyone else.
I have also been thinking about myself and my habits. I do think I am being far too lazy recently. I waste a lot of time and so perhaps I need some motivation for myself. Something to make me feel ambitious and driven towards success again. Falling to the ground again and again has left me feeling a little wary of putting myself out there again. In the back of my mind I also sometimes think about what others may think of me – people that I value, but I can’t live my life the way others want me to. At the end of the day, I will have to account for my actions to Allah by myself. However, I need to put my time and effort towards the things that are best for me inshaAllah and fit with my life vision, which is a bit difficult when you can’t really decide what you want as your brain feels a bit foggy.
I have to make d’ua that Allah grants me greater clarity and inspires me by sending me the best things my way. Need to get my feet off the ground now inshaAllah.