Moving On

My best friend was a huge part of my life. We used to talk to each other like nearly every day. I guess it wasn’t sustainable. Eventhough our contact is a lot more limited these days, I think about her quite a lot. I wonder what she’s doing, whether she is happy or sad, whether she thinks about me at all? I don’t know.

I feel it is now time for me to have empathy towards her and just accept that we have different approaches to conflict resolution. I like to get things out to the surface, whereas she is more passive and likes to just leave things and see how they span out. I don’t think her approach is great to be honest but it’s probably because she cannot emotionally withstand difficult discussions. She finds it too painful. As much as I want to challenge her and get her to see the error of her ways, I need to realise that I can’t change her. She is who she is. She had a whole lot of strengths but recently I have been exposed to her weaknesses.

Anyway, that’s for her to deal with and maybe I shouldn’t see the world’s problems as my own problems, eventhough I usually do…sometimes. I like to help people and fix things. Like the other day, my flatmate was complaining to me about her money problems and I tried to give her some options for things she could do, like get a job, but she said “i don’t want you to try and fix my problems. I’m only telling you because you asked me how I was”. I was trying to be nice I guess, but I now realise that people don’t necessarily want you to try and fix their lives (eventhough that is the approach i usually take). They just want to rant sometimes for the sake of ranting, without wanting a solution.

So basically, sometimes I just need to let things go and offer sympathy/empathy. I could tell them “i know how it feels and it sucks” or “I hope that things improve soon inshaAllah” or even “no state in life is permanent. Everything is temporary and all the pain will end one day because everything in the dunya will end”. 

Maybe I can focus my mind on what unites me and my friends as Muslims, rather than become transfixed on where we differ or what drives us apart.

Sometimes I feel that life is like one big obstacle course. You overcome one obstacle and then you bumble along for a short while, trying to reach the end, when you are faced with another obstacle. 

Relationships will never be perfect. I thought this friendship of mine was pretty close to being free from the defects that I observed around me in other friendships – where they used to hang around each other and be all smiley but talk negatively about each other behind their backs. I would feel grateful that I had a decent friend who had good values and morals.

She says she still respects me and thinks I am a good person and Muslim, so maybe I should treasure that and trust her when she says that, rather than trying to work out what she meant by certain statements that upset me but she wasn’t prepared to elaborate upon. It just seemed a little unfair.

This is all easy to say but will be difficult to put into practice. It can’t really be ideal to tell myself not to think about something because that would be exactly what I thought about.

I need to be more active and maybe do other things that divert me from this. I have planned a few nice things with my family but maybe I should find other interests or practice mindfulness. I know I have issues with being in the moment as my mind is always a hundred miles away. I am constantly analysing things or making judgements based on my preconceived ideas which means I don’t think I am fully taking in what is happening around me, so I probably miss out on vital clues around me.

I’m also procrastinating about something in my life which I should really get onto. This isn’t the easiest thing to deal with but I need to get onto it inshaAllah. Maybe I can find an easier way to deal with it inshaAllah.

Life is hard but I need to be active. Lying in bed and thinking and thinking without moving or taking active steps is likely to leave me feeling depleted of energy without even having done anything. I need to move on and embrace what is going on around me!

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