I’ve just been generally feeling quite low today. There’s a few different things on my mind and one of these things I have tried to avoid tackling and put off until I had more time and was feeling better. And now I have to deal with it and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I have mixed feelings and definitely a few worries/concerns.
I don’t like it when people might be hurt as a result of my stance on issues. However, I do not want to make any assumptions as I could be wrong. I am praying that Allah fixes things.
I also had a dream and it seems trivial but it was based around things that had already happened to me during the day so it felt a little too realistic. It’s not nice to have unpleasant feelings towards the people you care about and want in your life. Maybe it begs the question, are these people good for you?
Or maybe it is just me being OTT. Everyone in life is living through their own wants and desires. It might not make sense to me but it doesn’t have to.
I just have to continue pursuing my own life, doing what I think is best and pursuing what is important to me. What is important will be different to different people and I don’t need to go along with the crowd and feel like I need to follow my peers. It’s a weird position to be in when you feel concerned about the welfare of others but they don’t want you to pry into their lives or question them. And you don’t want to risk making an already rocky relationship worse.
I’m just a bit annoyed and a little bit reflective also about how much to trust the feedback that is given to me by other doctors about my approach to clinical medicine. I could say that different students bring out different sides of me but when you have had the same feedback after being with two very different types of students, then you just wonder how seriously to take that feedback. It feels like it’s a criticism of who I am as a person and how I come across to others. Being quiet and reflective certainly isn’t valued in the society we’re living in.
But maybe I should just give this all a rest and just try to enjoy myself inshaAllah. I need happy and positive distractions.