I feel tired and exhausted after a pretty intensive few weeks of Medicine. I’ve been trying to take advantage of what happens on the ward and am trying to learn from everything that happens around me. This type of learning is different to my usual approach of trying to do a lot of pre-reading and then expecting myself to have all the relevant knowledge when faced with a patient/scenario.
The truth is, there is so much uncertainty in Medicine and I will always be faced with things I don’t know. I need to learn to become comfortable with it.
I also really feel like I need a break. My head is hurting and my mind just feels like it is full of medicine. I need to break free from the grip that medicine has over me. I want to be the one regulating my life and giving each item in my life the time and care that it/they deserve, rather than me just being pulled along with whatever comes my way. However, this isn’t always possible as there will be times when I am under external pressure and this external pressure comes into conflict with my own views/beliefs about how my life should be.
I need to also do the things that make me happy – socialise, see friends, go shopping (but only buy useful things or else I will find myself being money depleted pretty quickly which will make me more unhappy), go for walks into town, find some grass and lie down on it and stare up at the night sky.
Thinking about these things makes me happy as recently I have been mainly thinking about medicine. And even when I am trying to do other things like enjoying a tv programme or watching a movie, I can’t even focus on that.
Maybe I should try to just get past this week and then use the weekend to reflect and recuperate inshaAllah.