I’ve been feeling quite unwell over this weekend. I feel tired, weak and have been having unpleasant GI symptoms including abdo pain. It’s also my girly time of month, however I don’t usually feel this awful so I do think it may be due to something I’ve eaten. But Alhamdulillah, I have been able to do a few things despite feeling a little horrible. I was able to attend a family gathering, though I did take some time out and had a bit of a nap later on. I also was able to make my lunches for the rest of the week, though it did make me feel very tired by the end of it. I also got to do a little bit of studying and read about/made notes on the management of peptic ulcer disease and acute pancreatitis.
My phone was dead for most of the day and so I felt I didn’t have the temptation to browse through the internet which can suck one of their time and energy too. Reading and thinking can take up energy. And so this can be a very good lesson for me that perhaps I shouldn’t be so glued to my phone and that maybe if I switched it off and put it aside, I would be able to be more productive.
I am also still a little unhappy with myself as I feel I’m not making as much time for my deen as I did before. I established some good habits before which I have unfortunately dropped. I put so much of my time and energy into trying to rescue the friendship of mine that had collapsed a little bit. But perhaps a different approach would be better. Perhaps I should take my foot off the accelerator where that friendship is concerned and just focus on trying to be a good Muslim for the sake of Allah and not for making my nafs happy. I hope and pray that the rift will naturally heal and Allah will unite our hearts again like He did before.
Perhaps I need to stop reading as much as I do and put it into action now – i.e. go back to reciting the Quran every single day and reciting my adhkar as well as establishing a better relationship with my Lord by making more d’ua and begging Him for His approval and for His forgiveness.
I’m really not the person I want to be and I’m not striving hard enough as I’m just being lazy and putting it off. It can bring discomfort to pursue those things that your nafs doesn’t want you to. I feel like my nafs just wants to lie in bed and daydream, when this isn’t very productive. There’s a whole world out there and I have some skills (Alhamdulillah) that I can try putting to some good use. May Allah make it easy for all of the Muslims out there.