I’m really not happy as I haven’t been great with my prayers lately and this needs to change inshaAllah. I feel so awful and guilty about it but yet I am not making more of an effort to pull away from clinical activities to pray. Is it because I am paired up with another non-Muslim that I find it difficult to leave them by myself? I need to remind myself that my sense of duty goes to Allah first and foremost. Before I start to think about how others might view me, I need to think about what Allah thinks of me. I need to try and impress Him above all others inshaAllah!
I have been quite active on my placement lately and have been able to practice doing lots of practical procedures such as drawing up drugs for IV use, putting up bags of fluid, etc. I’ve also been trying to help out the other nursing/HCA staff. We are all a team and sometimes there is overlap between our roles, or sometimes one member might fall short of their job role. In that case, rather than just ignoring the problem, if one is able to, it is perhaps better just to help them out, since if there is a weakness from one side of the group – that is everyones’ weakness as it will affect our overall functioning.
Life is difficult. When you are working as part of a big structure that is a hospital, there will be lots happening around you and it will affect the quality of your work-life. You need to think about the relationship you have with your colleagues – you need to be able to get on well with them but not compromise on patient safety and care. If one of your colleagues is not delivering, how would you raise the matter with them without upsetting them or affecting your relationship with them? There will always be disputes in life and I sometimes wonder how people deal with and work alongside others who give them grief all the time – or maybe they are just thick-skinned and aren’t bothered too much by it. Maybe they don’t think it is really an issue or feel it is just part of the work culture to be bullied. I think of how consultants/seniors might treat their juniors when I write about this and sometimes it is not in a very nice manner. I know I am quite sensitive so things like this affect me all the time but we have to move on, as difficult as it may be at times. Maybe with time it becomes easier inshaAllah as you are exposed again and again to these same/similar scenarios.
In life I expect people to treat me how you would treat them, but obviously everyone is different so their expectations/standards will probably be different to yours. And people are of different social backgrounds/cultures so they have had different influences growing up and that shapes their personalities and attitudes.
We are living in an interdependent world and I am trying to move away from this very independent (me, myself and I) model of life. Sometimes I need to go with the flow a little and just allow others to influence me in areas where I might not have exposure to by myself. If I dictate everything, then maybe I will be more inclined to pursue things within my comfort zone and may not expand my field of learning.
Life is tough. I am so busy whilst there is so much I would like to do at the moment. I would like to do private study, to learn how to be a doctor on the job but also to live a healthy life where I find enjoyment and I pursue the other things I value like family/friends/deen. But I’m really not spending enough time on all these things. I need to create change inshaAllah!