I decided that I wanted to do some studying this weekend. I’ve been quite busy for the last couple of weeks so I have felt that I haven’t done enough studying. So here I am in the library, but it’s ok as I am having a fairly decent time.
The library is empty apart from me and two other guys. I’ve found quite a nice spot where I can spread out my things and I can eat in private too. I brought some chicken salad sandwiches along with me 🙂
I make notes on a topic, and then I take a break. Sometimes my brain becomes bored or tired. I wondered, shall I pack it in and call it a day, but I didn’t. Instead, I went and got a mocha since there was a coffee machine and I had a look at some of the books in the library. Then I came back to my desk and felt more motivated to study.
I’ve become more aware of the fact that I need some sort of short term external motivation to study. Of course my long term aim is the fact that I want to become a doctor but that will take a long time inshaAllah. It’s nice to give myself little treats along the way and do things which I enjoy. I am conscious of spending too much money as well because in my final year I won’t get as much from student finance (with the nhs bursary) so it would be good to save what I have inshaAllah. However, I need to have a good balance between saving and enjoying myself and you often need money to enjoy yourself. I like eating out, visiting places, going travelling, seeing friends/family. Of course it is free to see friends/family but you end up spending money on the things you do with them sometimes. It’s worth it of course, but I need to mindful of how much I do this.
Of course, I am soo grateful to Allah for allowing me to have what I have and for allowing me to feel better after the months of pain I endured. Of course, this is no easy path and there have been days in the past week where I felt very low and insignificant. Maybe those are the times to remind myself that my self-worth comes from my religion and not from what other people think of me. Being a Muslim makes us special by default. Allah has promised us paradise for worshipping Him and not associating anything in our worship of Him. Allah never breaks His promise. He will save us from the pain and turmoil of this dunya and grant us everlasting joy if we follow the path he advised us to follow as outlined in his holy book the Quran, alongside the lessons that the Prophet (saw) taught. Of course, it is our choice. Do we choose the temporary nature of this dunya for enjoyment and just follow our nafs/shaytan? Or do we strive against ourselves and our society for something better and everlasting in the next life?
It requires self control and self discipline of course. So may Allah make it easy for all the Muslims out there inshaAllah.