It is Eid today and things are buzzing around me. My extended family are all around me with all of my cousins so there is a lot of noise and excitement.
However, I can’t help but just be lost in my thoughts. Encounters I have had with this friend of mine in the last day continue to be strange as she communicates with me very differently to how she did before.
Her answers to my long messages are very brief and devoid of any feelings. It all just seems a little bit flat. I can’t help but wonder what is happening in her life and what is going through her mind.
There is a lot of curiosity and puzzlement I have which does take up brain space and obstructs me from fully being aware of my present circumstances. This isn’t great :s
So I need to remind myself once again that her actions are her actions and she is responsible for them, not me. The coldness and blanking is sad.
When I ask “how are you feeling?” after delivering some important news to her, she does not respond to this. When I tell her that I hope Allah grants her good things and make an open dua for her. There is no acknowledgement of it. She does not say “ameen” or wish the same for me as she would usually do for me.
The other day it just dawned upon me, perhaps she is depressed or is going through some emotional trauma. So perhaps I should be sympathetic towards the change in her character towards me. Perhaps I should just allow these changes and not expect her to be the way she has been before. Perhaps I should just view her as this completely new person I have just met and not take anything she does or says personally. Of course, it is difficult to forget the pleasant and caring person she was over the last 5-6 years. I still believe that that person is there deep down but something has happened which has made her change or made her want to change. Maybe there is some benefit in this that I can’t really explain or understand.
I just need to accept that it is what it is and I should try to not get upset or allow it to ruin my spirits in any way. I still want to continue being nice to her and being nice to the rest of the world.
May Allah ease her struggles and the struggles of our ummah. I pray that there is goodness in this. Ameen!