A Potential Perhaps?

So this brother keeps on checking my profile 🙂

I wonder if he knows that I get a notification each time he views my profile which has been once a day for the last few days? And I wonder if he knows that his profile settings are set so that the other party will know if he views their profile?

I’m flattered though, I have to say, that someone is interested in me or wants to know more about me (is that the reason why they check my profile quite regularly?).

But anyway, don’t know where this will go. I don’t intend to actively interact with him or make a move or anything so I will just observe. Maybe one can be indirect in their approach because it doesn’t seem appropriate to directly engage with him unless/until my family have given their permission and our discussions are supervised in some sort of way.

I have started praying to Allah that He grants me what is good for me and grants me those things when I am ready to handle it.

I don’t know, but sometimes the idea of marriage feels quite trivial when put against all the other trials I face and have done over the past few years. It’s like my brain is warning me, “is it worth it?”.

Is it worth the heartbreak, the struggle, the turmoil, drama and much more that is bound to come with the process of wanting to get married in my family? Maybe one day I will be able to justify it but right now, the stakes just seem too high. Is it worth compromising upon my emotional/mental wellbeing and as a result adversely affecting my career and what I want to do with my life? Will it make me that happy? 

No, it won’t. I see marriage as an adjunct to having a good life. It is one of the factors amongst a range of factors that are required to lead a good existence, but totally not the be all and end all of life. 

May Allah make it easy for all the struggling Muslims inshaAllah 🙂

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