Where do guys come into my life?
I’m single and have never been in any relationships. It’s frowned upon within my family to find one’s own spouse and one is expected to utilise their parents and the contacts of their parents to have a traditional arranged marriage where there is minimal contact before marriage.
I want to do things the halal way of course, which means through a wali and using your mahram as a chaperone. It isn’t permissible for a man to be alone with another woman he isn’t related to in islam. And if they’re getting to know each other for the purpose of finding out if they will suit each other, then they should have chaperones.
However, I think it is vitally important to have a lot of sit down discussions and getting to know sessions with a potential spouse of interest, which my family aren’t so willing to facilitate, which can be frustrating.
So where am I now in terms of wanting to get married?
I’m not sure. I did want to get married around a year ago but then I changed my mind as I decided the process was just too intense and I couldn’t emotionally handle it alongside handle the demands of a medical course. I chose certain priorities over others for the timebeing and decided not to allow other things to get in the way of that.
I still feel I should wait until I have finished medical school but there is this one person who my friend told me of a while ago who I feel an interest towards. We haven’t met but I’ve heard about him and he seems pretty cool. It’s quite strange to explain but I would love to find out more about him and maybe even have a chance to meet. It might not even work out but I’m inquisitive to know what he is like.
Humans will be humans at the end of the day, and eventhough I know it sounds wise and rational to wait (and it is), I do have a desire to get married which I can’t explain in rational terms. Human beings have a need and desire for companionship. We are designed to live with people and live in communities. I do get frustrated living as a single student at times but I know married life will bring about new challenges which I might not even be ready for.
I am sure that I would like to wait until I finish university but maybe I can still hold onto the idea of this person as it provides a possibility. Eventhough I do not have enough information about him, the information that I have makes him sound like a promising candidate. Perhaps I will observe him from afar to see what he is doing with his life and will pray to Allah that maybe one day He can facilitate a meeting with this person or another who is more suited.
I like the idea of having a possibility, eventhough I know there is no certainty. I don’t want the hunt for marriage to take up too much of my brain space like it did before. But I feel happy when I receive information that there is another person out there who is potentially interested in me and would want to know more about me.
I have to leave it in Allah’s hands though and rely upon Him, rather than rely upon my feelings and thoughts which change all the time. And of course, I need to stick to the shariah rules and not get too adventurous in my pursuit of him 🙂 If I want there to be baraqah in my marriage, I need to try to go about it in an honourable manner.
I want to be seen as a woman of honour and dignity, not as someone who is desperate and willing to compromise in order to satisfy their nafs.