I started to think to myself, did I do the right thing by bringing up previous things that were said, things my friend regarded as “irrelevant water under the bridge”?
I’m not sure.
What I do think though is that she was able to move on so maybe it didn’t matter so much to her as it did to me. I needed some sort of closure in a way as I couldn’t emotionally handle the silence. At least I know now what her stance is and how she thinks we should move forward which is good and useful to know, Alhamdulillah.
I want to know how we are supposed to settle disputes between believers. I came across this verse in the Qur’an:
وَأَطِيعُوا اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَلَا تَنَازَعُوا فَتَفْشَلُوا وَتَذْهَبَ رِيحُكُمْ ۖ وَاصْبِرُوا ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ
And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute and [thus] lose courage and [then] your strength would depart; and be patient. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.
Ibn kathir’s tafsir (explanation) of this verse is interesting. This verse and the verse prior to it demonstrates how the attitude of the believer should be when in battle. They are required to be patient and to not dispute with each other, as this could weaken them and make them lose strength.
The believers are allies and supporters of one another. If they dispute and turn into fractions or go their separate ways, then they become weaker to face the trials of life. So my friends’ response was mature and sensible, I think.
I was first very upset at the idea of not being friends anymore, but pssh @ friends. It’s quite a superficial bond anyway. The relationship of believers (which is something my friend expressed we could and should still be) is way more important than that.
So eventhough I have so many unanswered questions in my mind as I have a tendency to want to go back and diagnose the problem, I understand the rationale for this approach.
So I have to make myself feel more comfortable with not attending to matters which are probably not a great concern anymore. They are perhaps irrelevant and unimportant. Instead, I can focus my attentions on what is actually important such as becoming a good doctor, spending time with my family and friends as well as giving da’wah.
And I need to trust Allah and what this friend said. If we are indeed Muslim allies then both of us should be willing to put aside personal differences in the pursuit of aims which are much greater than the brief and superficial day to day interactions that friends and acquaintances have. In truth, this friend was never just a friend to me. I considered her to be like a sister and an ally. Of course I depended on her too much which means letting go of her and adapting to life without her support is a painful process. But I need to trust that it was to preserve her emotional health and I do care about her wellbeing. I care about my own wellbeing too, but our situation demonstrated that we have different strategies for caring for our wellbeing, and that was where the dispute was – where I wanted to talk about things to resolve matters whereas she thought it would be easier and healthier to just leave things and let it go.
I don’t know what the future holds but I need to keep on making d’ua that Allah grants me and the rest of our ummah good lives. We need to try to live in the best way possible inshaAllah.
May Allah make it easy.