Some of my friends from medical school got married – one is quite close to me and the other, not as much. I would say I have six favourite friends (seven if my flatmate is counted). One of them is married and the others are trying to get married or marriage is on their mind. I am soo happy for the friend that is married, but will I feel this happy if the time comes when my last single friend ties the knot or is just about to and I am still by myself with no partnership in sight? Perhaps not.
There have been many arguments with my mum about getting married but it rarely got me the results I wanted. I felt like she was the gatekeeper for any potential person to be given a chance to enter my life but she refused to facilitate it, instead being passive or sometimes agreeing to but never really making any active effort. It quickly became apparent that she was not prepared to part with me and wanted me to graduate first.
Right now, after not quite passing my exams and having to repeat the year, I have changed my mind about marriage and feel that I should wait until after medical school. However, that does not stop me from wondering when or about how I will meet my potential spouse. Do I have to put some sort of effort in to the process? Or do I make d’ua and ask Allah to send me a suitable spouse in the best way possible whenever I am ready for it?
Talking this issue through with my friend reminded me that our rizq is from Allah. We can’t really ascertain our future. We might think marriage is good for us when it isn’t or like in my friends’ case, a good marriage prospect might come my way without me having to do anything about it.
I know that Allah is looking out for me as He always does and will continue to do until I die. He is my ultimate wali which means He is protecting me and guarding me.
I sometimes wonder why men don’t seem to like me or be attracted to me when other sisters have attention. What is it about me? Am I not girly or giggly enough? Should I open up a bit more? Then my friend reminded me that the Qur’an says “good men are for good women (and vice versa)” (24:26). She told me that I will attract what is similar to me. That made me feel happy as I begin to feel that maybe Allah is saving that rare gem for me and He is out there somewhere. Do I really want to lower my standards and then attract people of a lower standard? I’d rather not, inshaAllah. So this is a reminder to myself, that despite how the hijaabis around me might behave in a smiley/giggley or jokey manner with the guys, that that is something they will have to be accountable for when they die. I should be careful not to follow them down into that hole.
Allah has given women honour and dignity and we should aim to live our lives in that way, not compromising on who we are or going along with what the rest of society does. One does need to be bold and brave in order to be different. They may stand out or be seen as odd/strange. Other people may not find them to be very appealling and they may not have a bucket load of friends. Reminding people of the harsh and true reality of life is not likely to go down well with them. But that is what believers are supposed to do for one another. It is part of loving each other and caring for each other that we assist each other in all of our quests to be better Muslimahs.
I truly love this friend of mine as she is deep and incredibly kind. She made me some food today and when she hugged me, she held on for ages. She is a really sweet person, bless her. I am truly honoured to have met her and I am grateful that she reminded me today that I should continue acting with dignity and grace, and pray that one day I might attract someone similar.