Turning 25 Woes

I shared my woes about turning 25 at the end of the year with my friend. 

“What do I have to show for it? What have I done with my life?” I said.

“Stay positive” she said.

“Yes,” I agreed. “We’re halfway through medical school so halfway there to being a doctor inshaAllah,” I said more positively.

The road through medical school has been quite bumpy for me. I have gained and lost much along the way. It has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride. There has been great anxiety, tears, sorrow, despair and fear, but amidst that there has been growth, learning opportunities, joy, beautiful friendships, self-discovery and exploration along the way.

I started off as quite a timid and shy eighteen year old – being away from home for the first time. My parents were quite protective and I rarely did anything by myself. And then I felt I was just thrown into the deep end. It was really quite tough. But those experiences shaped me into the woman that I am, Alhamdulillah. It gave me the strength and courage to deal with and withstand some of the challenges that would come along later, Alhamdulillah. It turned me into a more independent and confident woman. There are things I can do today that I would never have dreamed of doing a couple of years ago as I was filled with so much self-doubt. The more you are thrown out of your comfort zone, the more proof you have that you ARE able to withstand hardship and challenge yourself.

I will never be as good as I want to be. It is a continuous process of self-growth and development. However, recently I have learnt that I must live a more balanced life. I do not want to reach Allah on the day of judgement with having just devoted my life to one thing – Medicine. Medicine is important and I would love to excel in that inshaAllah. However, I would also like to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, a good companion and one day a good wife to a good spouse inshaAllah. I would also like to further my islamic interests in seeking knowledge, learning arabic and giving da’wah.

Marriage is one of those things which I don’t know how it might fit into my life. I have no idea where it will come from or how I will be able to get married. I cannot perceive how I will tie the camel in such a difficult area. It makes me worry a little bit when I hear about friends getting married or meeting/getting to know potentials. But I need to trust AND rely on Allah as He will provide for me from sources that I had never even imagined. Allah has already determined my rizq so I will receive nothing more or less than what has been already decreed for me. This should alleviate some of my stress inshaAllah.
May Allah make it easy for all of the Muslims who are suffering out there. I want to extend well wishes to all those who have been affected by the tower block on fire today. It is tragic and there are bound to have been many trapped that could not have been saved. The death toll is expected to increase. What this shows us is that death is sudden. It will creep up on us from nowhere. We should always be prepared to die at any time and strive to make ourselves into the person we would want to be when meeting Allah.

I hope these final thoughts can put life into perspective and allow us to focus on what is the most important, rather than wishing for and pining over things we have no control over.

May Allah make it easy for us all. Ameen.


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