Cooling Down

Maybe I judged my friends’ final message on our friendship with a ‘glass half empty’ attitude. Of course I was upset at the time so my perspective was foggy. Now I’m trying to get out of that.

I re-read the message again earlier today. She was telling me that she thinks our friendship was too damaged and there were too many issues that couldn’t be resolved. However, she also did say that we should try to get along as Muslims (for the sake of Allah I assume) rather than try to forcefully regrow a friendship. Of course I’m grieving over that past friendship but it’s clear that she did not like it. It’s sad when one person was happy whilst the other person was not. But hey, the cat is out of the bag now (but not all of it).

She ended the message by explaining why sometimes you can’t always be best friends with everyone because people change or situations change or people move to different locations. She also said that some disagreements could not be reconciled. I wonder which one she thought applied to our friendship.

It seems like she had the power and it was she who made the decisions without really giving me a choice in the matter. But I guess that’s just the way it is sometimes. If I turn the tables around and that was me with a person in my life who I did not want to be in such close proximity to me, I would feel annoyed if I couldn’t really get rid of them.

I don’t know – I have mixed feelings about her. I do still really care about her and value her as a human-being. She was so nice in so many different ways over the years, going above and beyond her role as a friend. She exceeded expectations. Yes, her final actions and her blocking me was really hurtful but I feel when I stand back and look at things in perspective that I shouldn’t forget all the good she did for me before she did that final act of trying to cut me off. 

There will probably be many things that don’t make sense. Maybe one day when things have cooled down a bit more, we can explain things to each other. Or maybe we’ll just drift away and carry on with our own lives remembering each other every now and again, like is the case for some of my previous friendships from school.

I don’t know what the future holds but all I do know is that she was just one part of my life (however valuable she was), but now I have the rest of my life and all of the other people in my life to try to take care of and build good connections with. I need to build my iman and try to guide my loved ones to become more practising.

Everything happens for a reason. It’s hard to let go of this friendship but I’ve made the intention to so I need to be disciplined now and commit to that. Of course we will see each other around quite regularly and I want to continue being nice and friendly towards her (however we choose to define ourselves). 


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