I regret sharing my friendship breakup with a person just right now. I was feeling ok about it, but then they’ve just made me feel a little bit confused. They reminded me again that the act of blocking another human being on social media is unacceptable and it was, but I’d rather forget about it now. I’ve made the sister aware that I felt that way and she asked for forgiveness for any hurt or offence she caused, so as far as that is concerned, that should be the end of that.
Of course, one’s actions determine the view that others have of them and yes, my view of them has changed. I was trying to make excuses for that friend of mine, trying to think about the difficulty that I was bringing to her life, to make it easier for me to forgive them, but that person just reminded me of that persons’ flaws.
It wasn’t nice for that person to explain away that persons’ deficiencies by saying that it made sense as they were part of x race/ethnicity. Yes, I agree that one’s culture influences our traits, but only if we allow it to. Sometimes good people will change their actions/behaviour so that they don’t fall in line with the attitudes they have been exposed to growing up. These people have the intelligence and the critical thinking skills to determine what is just cultural irrelevence and what is the truth.
So I just wanted to clarify to myself, that eventhough I do turn to this person for advice sometimes, this advice of theirs wasn’t good and was quite dismissive. They failed to explore my feelings about it and were quick to judge, based on their own experiences in life and negative experiences with people of that culture.
I also feel that sometimes people who grew up away from the people of their own culture or had a more modern/liberal upbringing are less likely to identify with the behavioural traits/patterns of their ethnic ancestors.
So that’s that. I just needed to make that clear to myself before I walked away with any potential negative views of a particular race. I guess different communities of people have their own quirks but the point of islam is to unite those people, regardless of their differences with a common aim and direction.
My friend thought that was the only way forward, that our friendship was irrepairable (which was sad to hear) as I am a solutions focussed person. It was sad to hear that she gave up on us but I see why she took that islamic angle of “hey, let’s just be Muslim sisters and stop trying to be friends”. Maybe we just are too different and can’t really be to the other what they need and want from a friend. It worked for a long time, but then there started to be issues which I can’t even make sense of. Don’t know if I ever will. But I feel I have some sort of closure now and am ready to move forward inshaAllah. I don’t really want to talk too much about it to people anymore. It happened and I’ve learnt lessons from it.