I found myself becoming slightly jealous today when one of my medic colleagues seemed to be getting more attention than me. What was it about her? Maybe she came in earlier or is more smiley or nicer than me.
I don’t want to be competitive though. Allah will allow me to gain whatever I am destined to gain from the clinical environment. There are a vast array of opportunities and people to learn from inshaAllah.
I started to judge myself, but it’s cool. It’s human nature to have unpleasant feelings. Perhaps it’s best to acknowledge it, bring it into our awareness and then just let go – step away from it. People will like whoever they want to like. It’s not something that can be forced. And there are a whole host of factors that influence this – things we can’t even explain – appearance, temperament, personality, behaviour, knowledge, speech, etc. It’s best to not take it personally but I have to admit, when someone does something better than me, I do feel deficient in some way. But we’re all learners at some stage or another. One thing another student might do better than me would be compensated by a different thing I can do better than them, Alhamdulillah.
We can’t always be perfect at everything. Perhaps I was feeling slightly more groggy today than usual. I didn’t want to come in and then I was slightly late, so maybe that contributes.
I need to pray on time and have a good, healthy routine – i.e. sleeping and eating well. There’s exercise as well. It all contributes to my emotional wellbeing. Maybe if I am happier and stabler within myself, I will feel less needy of other people and their actions will matter less to me as I just learn to adapt myself to them inshaAllah.
May Allah make it easy for all the Muslims to get along inshaAllah.