I spoke with my counsellor yesterday about how things were improving with my life Alhamdulillah. I felt happy during the day of the appointment and the day before had gone well as well that I felt a little reluctant to delve into the past again and make myself feel upset.
I did note that I feel like I’m moving more towards acceptance but I do have days when I think about what happened (the break-up) and I cry. I have so many fixed feelings about my friend.
How could she? She cared for me for so long and looked out for me that it hurt immensely when she decided she wanted to withdraw herself from me. How dare she almost lead me on which made me think she was that rescuer to turn to when I was upset. It was so hurtful.
How dare she just pick up with her life and move on whilst I struggled. I struggled with housing and finances and she just left me by myself.
I hate her so much!
But also I feel like I shouldn’t and I don’t want to either because she’s a fellow Muslim and it’s part of my faith to love other Muslims and feel mercy towards them.
I try not to display any of that hate towards her in my actions. I try to be the opposite of what I feel because I want to be the better person.
I actually don’t think I need her again. I don’t want her anymore. Screw her. I’m moving on inshaAllah.