Emotion Splurge

I have painful emotions all the time. I carry this pain around with me that I struggle to shrug off. I have a critical voice inside me that wants to be perceived well by the people around me. People make me happy. They make me unhappy too. Sometimes I love them and other times I feel hate and irritation towards them. 

I feel jealous that others have had the opportunity to recover quickly from their losses. They have wealth which I’m sure they take for granted. I have wealth too, now that I think about it, but not as much as others though.

Sometimes I feel sad when others talk about travelling or their holidays and I want to experience those things. I like visiting new places and exploring beautiful sites. I feel happy.

Today a consultant made me feel really humiliated and deflated. He was quite harsh in his feedback to me. I felt as if I had done nothing right. However, I was given the opportunity to rectify my mistakes and was provided with the guidance and steps to do so. I have a second chance, Alhamdulillah, so I can make it awesome. I will fear no-one besides Allah as no-one is worth fearing other than Allah.

I want to accept who I am, with all my flaws. I would like good companions and to be accepted by the world.

I won’t judge myself too harshly. I’m human with many flaws (i won’t list them), but I have many good traits too Alhamdulillah. I am ambitious, friendly, well-mannered and kind to people. I try to live by the book of Allah and I have been making more and more effort recently to recite the Quran every day. I don’t want to fall, ever again inshaAllah! Allah continues to pick me up each time, and He will continue to look after me.

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