It just feels that life has become so hard for me. The shaytan tries to make me believe that it is MY fault that things became like this and if it wasn’t for ME then my life would have been better – I may have been around my closest friends, I may have had more wealth, I may have been living somewhere nicer than where I currently am, and I may not have had to repeat the year.
Allah says in the Quran,
And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient,
Who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.”
Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided.
(Surah al Baqarah, 155-157)
So it is part of our test that we will be faced with loss. Allah told us that in the Qur’an. This is something that I’d like to internalise. It is also due to the Qadr of Allah that I faced and am facing what I am today. This was meant to occur to me. My rizq and the rizq of everyone else was decreed from above the seven heavens. He has the power to fix things if I turn to Him directly. And he has so far, I thought I wouldn’t get my student finance so I got a job and worked rigorously. Now, I not only have the funds from what the government has given me, I have extra savings from my job, Alhamdulillah. So Allah has increased me in wealth. I was living in a lonely studio flat, but now I have the pleasure of living in accommodation that is a step up from that in a nicer room where I have more space and it is in a slightly more pleasant location.
Allah gives us advice in the Quran about how we should react, what we should say (inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioun) and the amazing bounties that we will receive from doing so. He has promised us this!
Also, Allah wants to know who is truthful and who are the liars. If we claimed to be Muslims and on the straight path when everything seems to be going fine and dandy, then once we are tested and we face major losses, it drives us away from the deen and we turn to our desires, then that shows the level of our conviction. Nay Allah protect us from hypocrisy. Ameen.
I received a not very nice phone-call from work today after I tried to call in sick many times but no-one picked up. In the end, it was told it was my fault for not trying hard enough to get through to them. Perhaps it is true to an extent as I was not thinking properly as I was stressed. I was threatened with disciplinary action which has stressed me out.
My mind wants to forget about it and so I just wanted to remind myself that I should only fear Allah alone and nothing/no-one else is worth fearing.
It is a hard journey but there are huge rewards promised to the believers at the end for sticking to the straight path.
May Allah make us of the people of Jannah. Ameen.