I sustained a few losses in my life during the January/February period of this year. It was a painful experience. I lost money, I felt alone, I was living in a flat that I didn’t want to be in, I needed to get a job to be able to pay my rent and eat food (because I didn’t want to ask anyone for money eventhough I know that many would have been willing to do so, however I did not want people to see or know I was in this state). I could feel my mental health deteriorating at this time and I felt bitter and began to blame my problems on external factors. I needed to accept the qadr of Allah.
It was He who was testing me. It was He who took some things away from me and returned them back to me. It is He who is looking after me as He always does. I am truly honoured to be where I am today, to have what I have. Eventhough waves of sadness approach me every now and again where I feel sorry for myself or feel jealous or envious of what others have, I stuck it through (all thanks to Allah). I persisted and didn’t give up.
What was it that kept me going during a period that could have been darker? I knew if I fell, it would have had repercussions much greater than when I had crashed a few years back, and so I wanted to prevent that from occuring. Also, I didn’t want to hurt my parents again because I knew it would affect them. So knowledge of the darkness of a previous episode and my family were protective factors for me.
I am in a good position Alhamdulillah, where Allah has given me the opportunities and the resources to build my life up again. I did it, Alhamdulillah! The road is long and painful but I hope and pray that first dip in Jannah will make everything worth it.
May Allah forgive us all for our ingratitude and our shortcomings. May He allow us to continuously strive towards Him. And may He give us all the final success.