This week is going a lot better Alhamdulillah. I feel like I am thinking less about that friend of mine in my free time. However, I did ruminate a lot over the weekend, which I do need to stop.
I have deliberately been keeping myself really busy and the headaches have calmed down a lot too. I avoid having cups of tea from when I wake up until around 2-3pm. And the reason for this reduction is due to the caffiene withdrawal (i think) headaches that I get. I don’t want to be dependent on caffiene because it won’t be so accessible all the time.
Also, I feel a lot more with it mentally and emotionally Alhamdulillah. I did get quite stressed and flustered earlier on today though when I had to do a practice consultation in front of my colleagues. I feel like I am really harsh in the way I criticize myself. I need to keep calm and cool and I don’t need to show anyone else that I am stressed or feeling horrible in any way because no-one needs to know and no-one will know unless I make it obvious.
The housing situation is in the process of going forward now as well so I’m feeling hopeful about that. I am really, really busy and I do have little time to myself, but in a way, I wanted it to be that way because I wanted to leave little time for rumination.
The worst part of the day then, is probably in the morning then, because I struggle to wake up for fajr and I overstay in bed, leading me to get up at the last moment, which means I’ll rush. It’s not off to a great or calm start really.
I am so blessed and privileged to have improved so much since where I was a year ago, where I was practically crying every single day.
I know life is hard, but with Allah’s power and assistance, I am determined to get through it inshaAllah.
I hope things improve so that I can gain some stability and focus more on me and my deeper goals and ambitions.
May Allah make it easy for everyone.