I feel like I was rejected. There were reasons for why my friend decided to step away from me, reasons that I don’t fully understand. It was after I was having a mini emotional breakdown and I turned to her for help, but she did not want to get sucked into my life as she could not take it anymore.
In my opinion, this friend was distancing herself from me for a while.
The thought of this makes me feel as if there is something wrong with me, that I need to change.
My problems are not going to change overnight so anyone who is in my life needs to accept me the way I am.
This space between us is good for me because it is helping me discover who I really am. It can be painful at times because I ruminate or feel confused about how to be in the future.
This friend wasn’t communicating much with me near to the end. Don’t know. She probably had her own troubles which she couldn’t/didn’t share. I should try to not be offended that she did not confide in me. But then, perhaps she does not know what and why she is feeling the way she feels. I think the latter is the case. She always seemed so unemotional and reserved.
I can analyse this to death but it’s not getting me anywhere. So analysis isn’t the key. I won’t be able to work out what was the cause. I can make educated guesses though, but only Allah will truly know inshaAllah.
And so that’s probably an indicator for me that I need to let go. It is so difficult though because that person was such a huge part of my life and you like to stick to what you know and feel comfortable with. Building new relationships require a lot of time, effort and persistence. I don’t know if I have it in my to do it again. But people always break up, then either make up or form new relationships.
Allah will sort everything. There are reasons why He has taken these really close people away from my life. I need to trust Allah. His plan is the greatest plan.