Being Controlling

I like to be in control. I think I perhaps like to control my friendships to an extent too, i.e. try to solve the problems in their lives. Lives are messy though and a lot of the times there are not clear-cut solutions to the issues we have, especially those involving relationships, health, finances, etc. So the truth is, I can’t solve these messy problems in other peoples’ lives and neither in my own. Only Allah can. So perhaps the better way of being a friend is by saying “hey, i’m here for you, to listen to you, to distract you and remind you of Allah” (but I can’t solve your problems and I won’t try to either. I won’t judge you or try to offer my input because YOU know your life better than I do). Perhaps a little bit of distance in friendship is good then, because if you are too involved in a person’s life, you can’t objectively offer them advice as your emotions are involved with theirs.

This is a huge lesson for me. 

The friend I broke up with is still in my life. Allah chose to keep her in my life. But it can be a struggle when I’m around her. I wonder if she is ok because I can’t quite read her. My life is too intertwined with hers. I’m not sure what is going on.

But perhaps that is just the issue, I don’t need to know. I don’t need to fix her life or make her happy. Allah will do that. I’m in her life and I hope she knows that I am available for whenever she wants/needs. But right now, I need to be separate to her, and not let whatever is happening in her life get to me. We are two separate individuals living our lives.

Everything is good. Allah will make it all better.


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