I’m not sure how much I should write about my predicaments. It is true that what happened in my life (the friendship break-up) takes up a lot of mind space. When you go from someone having a big presence in your life, to not so much, it leaves you feeling a little empty – like there’s a void that needs to be filled.
Yesterday I was reminded again by another friend that perhaps the problem was just that – the fact that I depended on her and she was not designed to handle it. Some people do have the ability to listen to your problems and can remain objective and give you good advice. But it seems that this friend struggled and it took me ages to realise, since for ages she was my main source of social support. She once told me she was an “extreme empath” and that she absorbed everyone else’s feelings. She also told me that she sometimes couldn’t work out which feelings were her own and which were the ones of the people around her. I feel sad at the thought of her absorbing all of my negative energy. I feel ashamed of myself and bad about the fact that I hurt her so much, eventhough it wasn’t intentional. I didn’t have situational awareness because I was so in my own little world and trying to fix my own problems.
It didn’t feel like I hurt her at the time, but looking back, there were signs that she wasn’t happy. She looked miserable when she was around me, but when she was around other people, she looked happy and fine. It also seemed as if she was keeping herself distant from me.
I realise now that human beings are fragile and are not designed to handle too much pain. However, Allah can and so this is a reminder for me to turn to Allah and express my problems rather than the people around me.
The prophets (as) would complain to Allah about their grief and suffering, not to other human-beings.
Of course, we are allowed to go to other human beings for advice and help, but I have learnt that this should be in moderation. The main helper is Allah and we should pour out our feelings to Him because He is the ONLY one who has the power to change it.
Perhaps this blog will give me a healthy space to express myself so that I’ve had my say and that these thoughts won’t linger on in my mind and make me ruminate.
I feel good sometimes after writing a good blog post, like I’ve had some sort of epiphany and made some grand realisations about life. This will make me feel happy and positive.
So in conclusion, I just needed to remind myself that only Allah can change my situation so I should turn my face more towards HIM when it comes to my sorrow, grief and trials.