The Shame

I am soo soo ashamed of myself and what I did to my friend. I feel terribly bad about overburdening her with my problems. It is embarassing to think of. It’s painful when you regret the past, but also, deep down, I know that it is the only way you learn – through defeat and failure.

You need to experience things going wrong to learn to steer away from certain things in the future. Like if you play with fire and get burnt, then that teaches you that fire is dangerous so you’ll avoid it in the future.

Currently I think these feelings are taking up too much of my energy which leaves me feeling tired and fatigued throughout the day, despite getting enough sleep. Something really needs to change.

I wake up in the morning and I lie in bed looking at my phone, whilst the time for fajr is escaping. I pray just before the crack of dawn, eventhough I could have prayed it earlier and earned more reward. This needs to change. I need to pray my salah on time.

Also, I have noticed I don’t feel as hungry as much these days, so it seems as if my appetite has been affected. Perhaps it is all the thinking and the distress.

I still have to be around this friend of mine and I find it awkward when I’m around her sometimes. I feel like I don’t know how to behave. She seems disengaged at times, or maybe that’s just me being oversensitive and that’s just part of her introverted nature. There seems to be tension in the air and things that aren’t being said. We share a history together which is probably why we can’t just pick up from where we left off.

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