A poem on appreciating life

Alhamdulillah,

For the goodness in my life.

The people, the joy, the love –

The things I forget which exist,

And are happening right now,

All around me.

Thank you Allah,

For sending these gifts my way.

These gifts I fail to appreciate every day.

One day I hope that I’ll look back at this life,

And think that everything we experienced was worth it.

If Allah will accept me,

After all the wrongdoing I did.

I want to be a good Muslim,

But I struggle all the time,

In this world that wants to suppress who I am,

My identity, my faith.

I’ll just carry on in the meantime.

Hoping one day it will make sense.

Allah has the world under His control.

Not me, so sit back and let the world unfold.

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A Poem on Seeing the Silver Lining

I see the goodness in things,

It took time but the rays of sunshine are starting to appear.

Today things started to make more sense to me,

I understand that Allah saved me from a hardship I wouldn’t be able to endure.

That’s what I’d like to think.

I see the silver lining behind the cloud.

Everything happens for a reason.

I can envision a future, a bold one, a happy one.

I made a conscious decision to move forward and to not let the past ruin my present.

Sometimes in life people will cause you great harm,

It will be unfair.

It may enrage and anger one to the very core.

All of this shows that justice wasn’t meant to be for this world,

It will be for the next,

When everything will be unveiled and nothing left to hide.

Better start preparing then.

Forget the crimes of others, forgive and move on,

But sort out and take control of ones’ own life,

That would be wise.

A poem on the past, present and future

Things are always changing,

The past is in the past,

And the future hasn’t come.

Now is where we need to be,

In this room, in this place, wherever it is.

Life is uncertain, but there are certain certainties,

And those won’t go away.

Stop fearing what is uncertain,

But embrace the present and prepare,

For those unpleasant certainties that God will bring upon us.

We’re being tested for sure.

A conflict of values, people, ideas.

A world so corrupt, could it even get worse?

I long to be successful, to be happy.

But what if it involves letting go of my beliefs.

And why do I assume that having success and joy requires abandoning this.

Who associated negativity with my faith?

My faith has created good as well as what is seemingly bad.

Life is hard, that is for sure.

I’m holding on to the oars as the boat rocks around.

One day the oars will fall into the water,

And I’ll be left stranded there.

A Poem On My Feelings

We don’t know God’s plan,

He may have saved us from harm and suffering,

Oh, how merciful and kind He is.

We cry and grieve over our losses, failures,

Not knowing that the One above may have saved us from something that would have destroyed us.

Our plans are not the greatest,

God’s plan is.

What could our feeble human minds conceive,

Of a universe that is just beyond our depth.

We could try of course and we should ponder,

But those with wisdom will realise that all of this came from somewhere,

They will dig deep, think, reflect.

It might lead them to dark places, sorrow, unhappiness,

But as long as it leads them back to God.

The one it started with and the one it will end with.

It is only due to the will of God that we come to believe.

He is looking out for us,

Though I sometimes forget that He’s there.

Sometimes my faith in Him feels weak.

What am I doing here? What do I do?

Life is hard, you trip over and fall,

Then you think – why did this happen?

And it doesn’t always make sense –

But I worked so hard, I did all the right things?

It shows us God is in control, not us.

We are here to serve Him.

It’s hard I know,

I struggle too.

But better to struggle now,

Then have to endure everlasting pain in the next life,

God has promised the believers amazing delights, joy, amazement,

If we show commitment to His faith and law,

It’s hard in a world like this.

A poem on reconciling these worlds

Am I too deep for this world?

I feel like a cauldron,

Whilst everyone else is a plate.

Where are all the cauldrons at?

I crave depth and meaning sometimes,

But plates can be nice too –

But too much of it,

Makes me feel shallow, disconnected,

When I crave for so much more.

This is the dunya,

Plain, disappointing, full of hurt.

I put too much emphasis on it,

When really it hardly matters.

It’s the next life that counts,

And that’s the most important thing-

Though the one I always miss.

Oh world, you deceived me,

I keep on being fooled by the sweetness of peoples’ faces,

But beneath the facade is something,

I crave to know about,

To seek, to check it’s depth, measure it and to connect to it, to help it.

But some times I feel stuck,

In between two different mindsets and worlds,

How do I join the two and find a happy medium – the middle way,

A balanced path, if it exists.

Or if it’s just me trying to unite my desires with my deen,

Or maybe I should just let go and be,

Release my expectations, my needs, wants, etc,

If that is even possible, who knows?

A poem on life, faith, thoughts

I wish the world was accommodating,

I wish I mattered and was loved.

But the world doesn’t care,

It just wants to rotate,

Rob us of our time and energy,

So we give each damn waking moment,

To pursuing what they think is right.

My morals don’t line up with the people around me,

Though I do crave for some sort of belonging.

Don’t know if I’m chasing a fantasy,

Or if I should just accept,

That this world wasn’t to belong in,

My nafs wasn’t to give in to,

It was to strive against,

The turmoil, the uncertainty was what was supposed to happen.

I feel rage and anger at the injustice of this world,

It is the ultimate deception and lie,

But here I am myself struggling to come to terms with it all,

To live a life that is true to what I truly believe,

Have I just gone along with this lie?

I hope Allah grants me some sort of relief soon,

Relief from the injustice.

I want to be a better person, a winner,

But right now I feel like a loser,

Incapable of rising above the world,

And showing them who I am,

When in truth, I don’t really know,

I have no idea of what I want to be,

Just this weak desire to please God,

In some sort of way,

Though I feel that I fail at that quite a lot.

Dunya vs akhirah,

That bitter battle between good and evil,

That always existed.

I’m just confused and unsure,

But will try to hold on to that thread of faith,

That connects me to what is true,

The reality of life –

The fact that we are here to be tested,

Then we’ll die,

And then there will be accountability,

And then salvation or damnation.

I want to be of the few,

But right now I’m of the many,

God help me, I’m stuck

A Poem on how I feel today

I inhabit two worlds,

A world with God, faith, peace,

And a world without.

I try to reconcile the two,

But I don’t know how.

Or maybe they can’t be,

And that’s just the way it is.

I feel frustrated, low and rejected.

Society wants me to be,

Someone I just don’t want to be.

But in order to succeed,

I have to be someone else,

Someone far from what the fitrah is.

I feel I’m slipping away from the deen.

Life feels fuzzy and mental,

I can’t make sense of any of it.

Or maybe this is just,

What it was supposed to be.

A constant conflict between good and bad,

Right and wrong,

Dunya vs akhirah.

I feel I’m on a see-saw at times,

Shifting – trying to find some stability,

But I don’t know how.

People just confuse me,

Their thoughts/beliefs/ideologies conflict with mine,

And the more time I spend with them,

The more I want to be like them,

Pursue what they talk about,

Or deem to be important.

But I have to remember,

Allah comes first,

Always.

He is the mightiest, most powerful being,

Ever.

I’m not grateful enough, pious enough, just not good enough.

He is up there,

Waiting for me to turn to Him.

I feel like a failure,

Strong words I know.

I must get up from this doom,

And gloom and turn to Him.

Just like the pious did.

The society I’m living in now,

Seems so unsuited to islam,

I’m holding onto my faith,

By a string,

I hope it doesn’t rip,

Or else I’ll be doomed.

I must remember Jannah,

That pleasant place above,

Where Allah will grant us everything,

If only we are pure and sincere,

And try our best.

I just wonder sometimes if it will be enough,

To cover up our flaws,

And say we lived in a time,

That was hard for our faith.

We struggled to hold on to it,

We felt so alone and lost.

Maybe Allah will forgive us,

But first we need to try,

Muster up all our strength and courage,

And act upon what is true.

What do I fear?

Social Rejection, harm, anxiety.

I don’t want to end back down,

In that hole but I must find a way,

To live and to carry on,

There will be joy in the end,

For those who earnt it,

And who had sabr,

Who were composed.

Yes they had times when they fell and were anxious.

The Prophet felt sorrow on many occasions,

But he rose up,

Put his faith and trust in Allah,

And not his own effort.

A Poem on How I’m Living Now

I wish I was different sometimes,

More happy, more composed, more confident.

I wish I didn’t expect so much from others.

I have this vision in my mind of how the world should be,

But it never ends up being that way.

Milestones might be hit but the experience of reality is different.

I always pursued success,

But these days I crave happiness.

I want to exist in the moment,

That’s where life is – right now,

Not the distant future or the past.

We can’t be sure what will come our way.

What wasn’t meant for us, would never have been for us.

I still would like to be a doctor,

It seems cool and would be a source of income,

But I’m not going to die for it,

Or make myself unwell inshaAllah.

As my own self and my human-worth is much more than my status as a doctor.

I don’t need to be a doctor to be happy or to win the approval of the people around me.

I have many skills and talents that can be utilised in many different ways.

In the end, we’re here to worship God – that is all.

The five pillars contain what to do,

Islam should suffice us,

But all these people around us chasing thir rizq,

Bringing anxiety and tension to our lives.

It all should be ok inshaAllah.

Thoughts on Where I am Now

There have been moments of great suffering over the previous years of my life. This post does not intend to go into the details of that but to acknowledge there have been moments of great strength, positivity, energy and joy.

There have been major losses as well – failure, defeat, loss of loved ones, people who decided to close the door in your face and expected a graceful response. But everything happens for a reason.

I try too much to be in control. I’m too idealistic at times, a bit of a dreamer who pictures an idyllic future. I have heavy expectations of myself, my society and the people around me.

I am starting to acknowledge that I don’t control the world around me and I never will. God is the leader, the Lord, the one who is in charge. Everything might seem chaotic around me but it is just the way that God wanted it to be. It feels like humans are just destroying the world and destroying each other, all for the sake of money and power. But Allah told us that it won’t be for long as we will return to Him.

I had a vision for my future but experiences in life have led me to review that vision, or whether it is even wise to have a vision. Picturing things in your mind and imagining scenarios that have never occurred or that you want to occur is powerful – these feelings stick with you. Maybe it is too hard to shake them off when life does not meet with that vision.

Maybe my approach is wrong though. Maybe it is ok to still have a vision but one needs to rely upon and put their faith in Allah. That is something I’ve always struggled with, as I tend to rely upon myself, have high expectations of myself and so I then feel miserable when things don’t go to plan. 

I am not in control.

I am not in control.

I am not in control.

I don’t know what the future holds and sometimes that scares me. I used to feel that a partner would provide me with security, that I’d feel safe, wanted, loved. But other human beings are unreliable and flawed and will hurt you all the time. They are human too. They are struggling just like me to live in a world that is constantly challenging them.

I feel jealous all the time of certain people. They seem so perfect, composed, with it. Living in their perfect little world with caring parents who can save them and bail them out with their money. It makes me loathe them at times – but I guess they have their own pain too. They might not talk about it. They probably have other ways of dealing with it. Putting up a front or maybe that actually helps them.

My thoughts seem so incoherent right now. I’m living in a world that I just can’t make sense of. But I wasn’t meant to understand it all as my human mind has a limited capacity.

A poem after an encounter with two friends

Remember that everyone who comes into your life will leave you,

A dear friend once said.

There was so much wisdom, so much energy, so much strength,

In her face and her voice.

She made me feel uplifted and happy.

She told me I was amazing,

I felt so good.

She told me I should never let anyone bring me down,

And it’s their loss, not mine.

How happy, that made me feel,

Then another friend came back into my life,

I reached out to her as it had been a long time.

Felt like our worlds were different,

We were heading in different directions,

Or so I assume.

I tried not to be so judgemental,

I tried to ignore that voice inside my mind,

Maybe it was my conscience,

Telling me her actions were not quite right.

Though I am trying to be loving and kind,

But sometimes I fail,

As I feel sad when peoples’ lives seem so flawed,

Their decisions, choices, future plans.

But I must continue and live out my own aims,

I have ambitions of my own,

Sometimes people just go down different path,

And there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

It was never my job, my aim or my responsibility to fix these people.

They will live on their own terms.

They pursue what is important to them.

Their path is theirs and mine is mine.

If only the world was different,

But maybe there never was.

It was always good and evil,

Against each other.

It was always a fight.

Is this worth the effort and the time space?

I just don’t know.